


Tearing Down Sandcastles

by Jubilee44



Series: Marvel Actor RPFs [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Sebastian Stan - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Attempted Sexual Assault, Developing Relationship, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Non-Consensual Touching, Panic Attacks, Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-07-04 20:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 31,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15848943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jubilee44/pseuds/Jubilee44
Summary: Sofia feels stuck in life and has for the better part of two decades. She suffers panic attacks that have her feeling like she's trapped in her own mind. Now she’s nearing her 30th birthday and her luck begins to change when a handsome actor accidentally destroys her niece’s sandcastle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All work is fiction and in no way associated with any real-life events. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. Do not repost, translate, or rework.

            There were a few places I didn’t want to be when I turned thirty. I didn’t want to be working the same dead-end job that barely paid the bills. I didn’t want to be stuck in my younger sister’s shadow. I didn’t want to be alone every night. I didn’t want to be in the constant state of anxiety.

 

            But here I was, four months away from turning thirty and things weren’t magically changing like I thought they would. And I was sure _Cosmo_ was wrong when they said thirty was the new twenty-five. But at least I was somewhere warm for the week.

            My sister had invited me on vacation with her and her family to St. Martin. In the back of my mind, I knew it was because my mother was worried about me. She said the cold dreariness of New York was starting to affect my brain just like it did every year. But I ignored that small fact. I was up for a free beach vacation any day of the week.

            My twenty-seven-year old sister had it all. She was an accomplished movie director, had a handsome husband who was a model, had money to spare, and a beautiful little girl. I loved my sister and was her number one fan. But there was always something in the back of my mind that reminded me she was better.

 

            St. Martin was a good place to ignore all of my struggles. I could sit on the beach with the sun on my face and the warm breeze enveloping me. I didn’t even want to think about New York.

            “Auntie Sofie, we hafta hurry!” Adriana, my four-year-old niece brought me back to the present.

            “Okay, okay, I’m hurrying.” I continued to help her dig out a moat in front of her sandcastle. “Why don’t you go and…”

            Out of nowhere, someone ran backwards right into my niece’s sandcastle, crushing it in seconds. She gasped and I stood up, ready to chew out whoever decided to ruin my precious niece’s creation.

            “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

            I came face to face with blue-gray eyes, dark hair, chiseled jaw, and a look of puppy dog horror. “I uh…”

            “I wasn’t looking where I was going, that’s my fault. Jesus, I’m so sorry.”

            I was pretty sure I’d met him before. Did I meet him? Or was he a model that I’ve seen pictures of? Was he an angel that had visited my dreams before? I definitely knew him. “No… don't apologize I uh…that’s okay.”

            “S’not okay, you hafta help make it again!” My firecracker of a niece put her hands on her hips and glared down the tall man. “Mama says if you break something you hafta fix it!”

            “Ana, no, that’s not how we talk to…”

            “That’s okay, I’ll take the punishment.” He grinned and knelt down in the sand. “Alright, let’s clear out this wall and rebuild it.”

            I felt like I had too much to drink and was imagining a brighter future. I slowly sat down on the sand again next to this perfect specimen of a man. Adriana grabbed her bucket and ran to the edge of the ocean to collect more water.

            “I’m Sebastian, by the way.” He smiled as he began to smooth down the sand he had stepped in.

            “Sofia.” I tried to return the smile but felt like my brain had forgotten how to move my facial muscles.

            “Is she yours?” He wondered.

            “No, she’s my sister’s. I’m just tagging along on their vacation.” I admitted. “Do you have kids? You seem good with them.”

            “No. I’m pretty sure I need to be in a relationship longer than a few months to actually have kids.” He laughed.

            I tried not to meet his eyes. I was afraid that if I looked at him for too long, I’d blurt out something embarrassing or my face would turn a few different shades of red. “Yeah, I can empathize with that.”

            “Really? You’re beautiful, I assumed you were taken already.”

            “Uh…” The part of my brain that formed coherent sentences experienced a severe malfunction. It was like all the cells were scrambling to put the pieces back in place so I could actually speak.

            “Sorry.” He paused from forming the sandcastle wall. “That was super forward.” He glanced over at me.

            “No, it’s okay. Thank you” I swallowed and allowed myself to lock eyes with him. It seemed like he got more attractive the more I looked. His skin was tanned, probably from being on vacation, he had a good nature about him, and his eyes seemed to smile.

            “So where’re you from?” He formed a little doorway in the sandcastle.

            “New York.” I picked up a few shells Adriana had collected and pressed them into the walls.

            “No kidding, me too. I feel like whenever I travel I meet someone who lives like twenty minutes away from me.” He chuckled. “Or it’s some sort of fate.”

            I wasn’t sure why, but my chest tightened up when he said those words. It was as if the stars were aligning and for a brief moment I could see a brighter future for me. Fuck, I really was lonely.

            “There.” Sebastian brushed the sand off his hands, rocking back on his heels to observe his creation. “Kinda looks like no one ever stepped on it. Think I’ll be forgiven?”

            I smiled and shook my head. “She’s a perfectionist like her mother so probably not. We might be here all afternoon.”

            “I actually wouldn’t mind that, I couldn’t tell you the last time I actually made a sandcastle.” He used another bucket to make an annex to the castle. The sun caught in his hair and revealed soft chocolate highlights.

            It made me melt.

            Adriana ran back over with a full bucket. Saltwater sloshed around as she set the bucket down. “I wanna make the biggest sandcastle in the world!” She exclaimed and plopped down next to me.

            “Let’s do it then.”

           

            Sebastian was a great sport even when Adriana bossed us around like we were her construction crew and she was the architect. As time wore on, my sister called Adriana back over to the beach chairs. I knew they would be heading back to the rooms to get ready for dinner soon.

            “A hard day’s work but I think it paid off.” Sebastian stood up and offered a hand to me.

            I accepted his hand and felt a little lighter as he helped me stand up. “Yeah, Chateau Adriana is complete.” I reached down to swipe sand off my arms and legs. “Ready to be destroyed by the ocean in an hour.”

            He chuckled and ran a hand through his windswept hair. “So uh, I’m sure you’re going to go have dinner with your family but if you wanted, we could go grab drinks afterward.” He suggested shyly. It seemed out of character for such a well-built guy. I was sure he had no problems getting women to go out with him. If anything I was sure he had a hard time getting women to _stop_ hitting on him. I was sure if I weren’t as introverted I would’ve made several passes at him.

            “Yeah, okay.” I nodded. The response set off a few chain reactions in my head. First, it was excitement, anxiety, and suddenly dread. Did I have an outfit nice enough to go out with a guy like him? Wasn’t I boring to him? Surely he’s had girlfriends far prettier than I was. I tried to stamp out every bad thought.

            He smiled and I was sure I’d never seen such a genuine look of happiness on another person before. “Alright, cool. So want to meet up at say…ten?”

            “Sounds good, I’ll be there.”

 

            “Was that guy’s name Sebastian?”

            I was staring at my choice of outfits laid out on my bed. “Hm?” I glanced over my shoulder as my sister walked into the room. She’d booked a suite for the four of us. I offered to pay a portion of it but she refused. We both knew I could pay my rent but when it came to other things in life, I was struggling. The city was just too expensive and I didn’t make enough money as an office administrator by day and a bartender by night.

            “That guy that was with you on the beach.” She paused by the mirror to put in her earrings.

            “Yeah, his name was Sebastian. Why?” I wondered, not thinking too much of it.

            “I thought he looked familiar. He worked on one of my friend’s movies.” She explained.

            It wasn’t too strange to hear. A lot of the guests at the exclusive resort were wealthy people from Hollywood. Erica knew a few people who we ran into. It seemed they all ran in the same circles.

            “What does he do?”

            “He’s an actor, a pretty good one as far as I’ve heard. He’s playing Tonya Harding’s husband in that new movie.”

            My sister’s nonchalant answer made me freeze up. “What?”

            “He’s handsome isn’t he?”

            “’Rica did you just say he was an actor? I agreed to get drinks with an actor?” The stakes were suddenly raised much higher.

            “You’re getting drinks with him?” She clapped her hands together and squealed. “You’re not going to be single the rest of your life!”

            I was in too much of a state of shock to respond to her jab. “Dammit, I’m going to make a complete idiot out of myself.”

            “No, you’re not.” Erica sighed and walked over to me. “You just need some self-confidence.”

            “Great thanks.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll pick some up at the bullshit store before I go.”

            “Sofia,” She gave me the same stern look my mother did. “You’re beautiful, you know that. He’s interested in you for a reason. You need to show him he was right. Everyone loves you once you start to open up to them.”

            I swallowed and looked down at the bed again. “I have nothing to wear.” I whimpered like a teenager.

            “I’ve got just the dress to knock his socks off,” Erica smirked.


	2. Chapter 2

            There was a price to be paid when you ask for a change in scenery. I’d been hoping for a vacation for over a year and now that it was plopped in my lap, I was suddenly going against everything I usually would.

            I was walking towards a man, dressed in my sister’s little black dress, wearing her heels. I wasn’t sure what I was doing but it seemed risky when I consulted my anxious brain. But that was the same brain that told me to stay home each night and stick myself in a blanket burrito while watching Netflix until midnight. It wasn’t the healthy part of my brain so maybe I _was_ doing the right thing. That remained to be seen.

            Sebastian turned around as I got closer and his jaw visibly tightened as he swallowed. “Hey.” He breathed.

            “Hi.” I was just as starstruck. He was wearing a pair of khakis and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I could smell his cologne and I felt instantly intoxicated as I inhaled.

            “What’s your drink?” He cleared his throat and a small patch of pink formed on his cheeks.

            “Uh, just a mojito is fine,” I answered and sat down at the bar next to him.

            Sebastian waved the bartender over and ordered for me. He was already nursing what looked like a whiskey. “How was dinner?”

            “Good, the food here is super fancy but amazing. I mean, I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t be everything seems to be five-star here.”

            He chuckled. “Yeah, I’ve been looking forward to this vacation for a while.”

            “Me too.” I thanked the bartender as she placed the drink down in front of me.

            “What do you do?”

            “I uh, just office administrative work, then I bartend a few nights a week.” I shrugged. “Pretty boring compared to your lifestyle.”

            “Me?” He raised an eyebrow. “You know who I am?” He seemed surprised. Maybe because when people knew who he was they jumped on him instantly.

            “My sister told me. She’s a director so I guess one of her friends directed a movie you were in.”

            “Oh… _oh_. _”_ He suddenly realized something. “I knew you looked sort of familiar, you’re Erica Valdez’s sister aren’t you?”

            “Yeah…I guess we do look alike.” I smiled slightly. “She’s great isn’t she?” I didn’t usually drop my sister’s name. More often I talked about how awesome her work was instead of saying she was my sister.

            “Definitely, I love her movies. Shoot, I hope you don’t think I’m trying to use you to get a role. I'm definitely not, I promise.” He laughed.

            “Nah, I don’t have any pull over that.” I shook my head but smiled. “I’m sure she’d give you a role anyways, she thinks you’re a good actor. I don’t really see many movies so I don't really know you from anything. That seems super bad…” I winced.

            “That’s alright. It’s sort of nice when people don’t know me. It makes me feel like they’re more genuine and not just trying to get something out of me.” He took a sip of his drink.

            “That must be hard, making friendships. I’d be afraid everyone was trying to use me or stab me in the back.”

            He nodded. “That’s Hollywood for you. It’s my dream job though so I can’t complain. And I have sincere friends, they’re just harder to find sometimes.”

            I traced the rim of my glass. “So…thanks for inviting me out,” I said quietly.

            “No problem, thanks for meeting me. You seemed really nice on the beach and you’re beautiful so I’d probably kick myself if I didn’t ask.” He admitted.

            I bit my lip and tried not to blush. “You’re sweet.”

            “I try.” He gave me a sly look that made me laugh. “Honestly though, it’s nice just spending some stress free time with someone like you. You just seem…like an awesome person.”

            “Oh, well…” I shrugged and ducked my head in embarrassment. “You do too. I mean, you were so cute with Adriana. I guess every woman is looking for a man who’s good with kids. It’s probably an instinct thing.”

            “I feel like being an actor you have to be super good at playing pretend. Kids are the masters of it so I could learn a few pointers from them.” He explained. “And goofing off is super fun when you’re an adult.”

            “No kidding, it’s definitely an escape. I love babysitting her because she comes up with all these wild imaginations. But Erica’s always been imaginative so I know where she gets it. I don’t think I was ever as creative as they are.”

            “Everyone’s creative in their own way.” Sebastian assured me.

            “Maybe…” I took a few sips of my drinks as I processed our conversation. He seemed so thoughtful and well spoken. He certainly wasn’t like any guy I’d met before.

            He smiled and fixed his sleeve. The fabric rustled and I caught another whiff of his heavenly scent. “Want to dance?”

            When was the last time I danced with someone? My friends at the club when I was drunk and twenty-something? Prom? I cringed at the thought of making a fool of myself on the dance floor.

            “Uh, sure.” I nodded and reached down to slip my heels off and tuck them safely under the barstool. I took Sebastian’s hand like I had on the beach. It was warm and he had a gentle, but assuring grip.

            I followed him to the dance floor where other couples were already dancing. A DJ in the corner was playing popular Spanish club music, a few songs I’d heard and the rest were waiting to be discovered by the rest of the world.

            “I don’t really dance.” I admitted as Sebastian placed his hands on my hips. I cautiously wrapped my arms around his neck and felt a tremor go through my body. I wasn’t sure if it was trepidation or thrill.

            “That’s okay, I don’t really either.” He shrugged and started to move like he _did_ dance frequently.

            I tried to loosen up a little and follow his lead, moving my hips with the music. I exhaled softly and locked eyes with him.

            “When do you go back home?” He asked.

            “Friday.”

            “Damn, I’m going back Sunday.” He seemed disappointed that I would be leaving earlier. “I know you probably work a lot but if you have time when we’re back in New York…”

            “I would love to spend time with you.” I wasn’t even sure who was talking for me anymore. It was as if there was another person standing behind the microphone, my more assertive self, speaking for me.

            His face lit up. “Awesome, yeah, I’d like to get to know you better.” He agreed. “You seem really down to Earth.”

            I let out a small laugh because that was the opposite of who I was. Personality wise, I was pretty mellow but I couldn’t go a week without a full-blown panic attack. Luckily I’d gotten better since I was a teenager. Usually, I was plagued with crippling anxiety all through high school and college. But after some intensive therapy and medication, I was able to suppress a lot of it. It seemed unfair not to tell Sebastian upfront, especially if he wanted to see me more. But I had a hard time just blurting out ‘hey, by the way, I’m an anxious mess most of the time’.

            Then he pulled me a little closer and I lost my train of thought. He was utterly intoxicating, every inch of him. It was like he was a drug that made me lose all my self-conscious rambling thoughts. For a few songs, I didn’t even think about how I looked. I could only focus on him. I was completely lost.

 

            After dancing, we had a few more drinks, danced some more, took a few shots, and danced the rest of the night away. Eventually, the bar closed and we stumbled over to his room. I had never once in my life gone home with a guy after the first day. Granted it was a hotel room. But I still felt like I was crossing every line I’d ever set for my adult self.

            But as if I was vicariously living through another person, I ended up kissing him. Kissing led to making out which led to almost third base. Then we both fell asleep, completely wiped out by the night. After all, we weren’t twenty-one anymore. My last thought before I slipped into sweet drunken sleep, was how my sober, hungover self was going to kill me in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

           2011.

           That was the last time I had a hangover as bad as the one I woke up with. And I promised myself I would never drink that much again. As my blurred vision began to focus, I realized I yet again disobeyed my past self.

            My head throbbed as I rolled over and saw Sebastian was still out cold next to me. Despite my aching body, my heart fluttered gently.

            His beautiful lips were parted slightly and he was snoring. His hair was messed up and fell over his forehead like soft feathers. There was a small bit of drool on his cheek and it was utterly adorable.

            Still not sure what I should do, I rested back on the pillow and caught his scent lingering on the linen. I sighed softly and tried to ignore my headache.

            That lasted all but two seconds because there was a knock on the door, flaring up the painful beating against my skull.

            “Housekeeping.” Someone called on the other side of the door.

            I blinked blearily and looked at the clock. It was almost noon? Erica was going to be worried sick.

            I groaned and stumbled out of bed. I was wearing one of Sebastian’s t-shirts that he lent me the night before. I searched for my sister’s dress and shoes on the ground where I tossed them the night before.

            The door opened and a young woman, maybe just over twenty, poked her head in. “Oh, sorry, I’ll come back later.” She said politely.

            “No, it’s okay. I was just leaving. I’ll uh…I’ll wake him up.” I decided and walked over to the bed. “Sebastian…”

            “Mhmf, what?” He scrunched up his eyes and reached a hand to his face. “Whattimesit?”

            “Noon,” I answered and found my phone beside his on the nightstand. I checked my messages and sure enough, my sister had called me six times since eight that morning. “C’mon, let’s go get coffee. I have to make sure my sister knows I’m okay.”

            He yawned and sat up. “Fuck, my head is killing me.” He opened his eyes and smiled slightly when he saw me. “You look good in my shirt.” He murmured.

            I blushed. “The housekeeper’s here, why don’t you get ready and we’ll grab lunch in an hour?” I offered.

            “Alright, don’t leave me hanging too long though.” He pouted and gave me puppy eyes.

            My cheeks burned more and I leaned over to kiss him softly. It felt even better when I was sober. It was like kissing an angel. I touched his cheek and pulled away. “Hurry up.” I urged quietly and grabbed my things.

            He chuckled and I heard his sheets rustling as he got up. I thanked the young woman and left the room. On the way back to the suite, I called my sister.

           

            “Sofia Valdez, you drove me crazy with worry. I was about to call security on you!” My sister yelled at me on the first ring.

            “Calm down.” I sighed. I knew why she was upset but I was older than her, I hated when she acted like our mother.

            “Where are you now?” She ignored my teenage-like response.

            “I’m walking to the room. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

            “Okay, well I’m at the beach with Noah and Adriana.”

            “I’m going to grab lunch then I’ll come to see you guys.” I reached into my purse to pull out the room key.

            “How was your date last night? I assume good.” She sounded a tad annoyed but I was sure it was because of my inability to call her back.

            “It was really good,” I said with a smile on my face. “I probably drank too much though.”

            She gasped and quietly whispered into the phone. “Did he take advantage of you?”

            “No, no, no. I remember everything I wasn’t wasted.” It was laughable to think Sebastian would ever try to take advantage of me. He was too sweet. Maybe I was too naïve. “We didn’t sleep together I just crashed in his room.”

            “Alright…” She sounded a little relieved. “Well, I’m glad it went well. Are you getting lunch with him?”

            “Yeah, is that okay, mother?” I teased as I dug through my suitcase for fresh clothes.

            I could almost hear her roll her eyes. “Sorry for looking out for your best interest.” She replied. “I love you.”

            “I love you too. I’ll see you later.”

 

            He tilted his head slightly as he rested his cheek on his hand. His eyes locked on mine and I couldn’t seem to look away. I nearly forgot we were sitting in public. It was pretty easy getting lost in those eyes.

            “Alright, tell me more about yourself.” He said and rested his hands on the table.

            I got a little nervous because of the question. Being on an island was more than just a little escape for me. I didn’t have to think about New York and who I really was. Those loud, obnoxious streets always reminded me that I was still smack dab in the middle of my brick wall of a future.

            “I uh…what do you want to know?” I decided I didn’t need to explicitly tell him anything he didn’t ask about. If we ended up being something more,

            “What do you do in your free time I guess?” He shrugged. “What do you like, what don’t you like, what are your passions, what makes you smile?”

            “Well, I’ve always been an animal person. I love going out for walks and meeting all the different dogs in the park. I want to get my own dog but they take a lot of time, which I have none of at the moment.”

            “New York’s not an easy place to live sometimes.” He agreed. “It’s expensive.”

            “Very expensive.” I bit my lip. “I’m not super high end or whatever. I enjoy simple things. I have a flower box outside my window and I like to watch the bees fly around in the summer.” I felt my face heating up as I realized how stupid I must’ve sounded.

            He smiled warmly. “You’re adorable.” He murmured.

            I laughed and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I know it’s sort of dumb.”

            “No, I feel like that’s what people lack in this day and age. We’re always on our phones and shit but don’t appreciate the simple stuff. I’m probably the worst at doing something like that.” He admitted.

            I tentatively touched my fingertips to his. “Isn’t it strange how when we were growing up, when all this technology wasn’t around, we could entertain ourselves for hours? I mean if I’m in line for a coffee and it takes longer than two minutes I have to pull my phone out. It’s crazy.”

            “Definitely an addiction.” He slipped one hand under mine and held it gently. His thumb brushed over my knuckles. “Vacations help me unplug though. I feel like I’m an idiot if I don’t take in the views.”

            “You weren’t looking where you were going when you destroyed the first edition of Castle Adriana.”

            He laughed and shook his head. “I wasn’t, I was talking to some friends.”

            “You’re here with friends?” I looked surprised. “I didn’t know that.”

            “Just a few, we wanted to get out of the famous New York winter weather.”

            I wasn’t sure whether to feel guilty for happy that he’d ditched his friends for me. “You should be spending time with them, not me. I mean this is your vacation…”

            “Honestly, I spend enough time with them at home. That’s no problem. I’m pretty sure you were a good enough reason to leave them on their own for the night.”

            I guess it was true that I only took him away for a night. It felt much longer than that though. In a strange way, it felt like I knew Sebastian as if he were a long time friend. I wasn’t sure he felt the same way but he seemed comfortable around me. I didn’t feel uncomfortable around him, but I did feel uneasiness in the back of my mind. It had nothing to do with him; it had everything to do with me. I knew my track record when it came to dating. I was a professional at falling for a guy, realizing he deserved better than a damaged person like me, get cold feet, and back out of the relationship without explaining the real reason. It made me feel like a cold heartless bitch but I figured it was better to cut them loose before they got to experience one of my panic attacks or depressive mornings. I didn’t want to do that to Sebastian. But I felt too far gone as I looked at his genuine, warm smile. If I walked away now without an explanation I’d hurt him. If I walked away later in the relationship, I’d hurt him. That meant I had to tell him what he could be facing if he really wanted to spend more time with me. I could only hope he had some sense to him and walked away. It would hurt me, but a guy like Sebastian deserved better.


	4. Chapter 4

            I had to wake up from this dream. It was going to hurt so much when I woke up and found out none of it was real.

            “You look so beautiful.”

            I looked down at the white maxi dress. It was an impulse buy, something I’d gotten on sale because it was in the dead of winter. But it had consequently sat in my closet with the tags still on while I waited for the perfect opportunity to wear it.

            This seemed like a perfect enough opportunity.

            “Thank you.” I smiled shyly and took in his crisp button-down and khakis. “You look really nice too.” I let him take my hand as we started to walk on the beach together.

            We had gotten dinner together and were just taking in the sunset. It was everything I’d ever wanted as a naïve teenager. But it soon became everything I was cynical about as an adult.

            Sebastian laughed. “We kind of look like those parents who get professional pictures done on the beach. And all the kids are wearing white.”

            I giggled and nodded. “Was your family like that?”

            “Oh God no.” He shook his head. “I was born in Romania, I didn’t come to New York until I was twelve.”

            “Wow, I didn’t know that.”

            “I’m full of surprises.”

            “Yeah me too.” I smiled slightly but I knew most of those surprises weren’t good. “My family was sort of like that. We got professional pictures done and then a year later my dad up and left us.”

            “Sofia, I had no idea…I never would’ve brought that up if…”

            “Don’t worry about it.” I waved his concern away. “It was years ago. My mom just had to do some redecorating.” I forced a smile. “I guess I just don’t usually trust those kinds of photographs. I like seeing a person or a family in their natural state. Putting them in nice clothes on a beach doesn’t mean they’re happy.”

            He glanced over at me. “You know, you’re very inquisitive.”

            “And you use long words to impress me.” I teased, nudging him in the side.

            I loved hearing him laugh. “Okay, I may be trying to impress you but I don’t think long words is going to get me there.”

            “Yeah, you’ll have to impress me other ways.” I paused and bent down to pick up a shell. I brushed off the sand and reached over to put it in Sebastian’s pocket for safekeeping.

            “Do I have to guess? Kind of a trial and error, or are you going to bless me with the information up front?” He asked playfully.

            “It would be fun to see what you think I really want.” My hand withdrew from his as I hiked up my dress to wade a little in the warm water. I scanned the sandy bottom for any more shells. “But I’ll spare you the trouble.”

            Sebastian leaned down to roll up his pant legs and followed me into the water. “I’d take notes if I had a pen and paper.”

            “That’s okay, it’s pretty simple.” I looked up at him. “Just be honest with me. I’m impressed by a man who isn’t all _manly_ and hides his feelings. I guess I just get really…anxious when I can’t tell what the other person is thinking. Like I’ll panic if I think someone is mad at me for no reason.” It was the first time I used the ‘a’ word and the ‘p’ word in front of him. I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. It seemed like a not so good thing. But I was having a hard time trying to preach honesty with him when I wasn’t doing the same.

            “I think an actor is your best shot then.” He smiled. “I mean, I can be a little dramatic when I choose to be.”

            “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship,” I admitted. “Or at least a more serious one.”

            “Aw, you’ve been waiting for me this whole time?” He teased.

            “Maybe, you never know.” I laughed softly and glanced down as he reached for my hand again. As the clichés rolled on, I realized I had never felt the same way as when he held my hand. It was as if he were supporting my whole soul. Just a brief touch and I was connected to him in many different ways. Maybe I was overthinking it or exaggerating but I didn’t think I was.

            “Might be that sort of horoscope stuff maybe.” His thumb grazed over the top of my hand in an intimate gesture that had my heart racing. “I’m a Leo.”

            “Gemini. But I have no idea what that means. We might be incompatible.”

            “Yeah, I don't know either but I'm having a feeling we're not. Or that stuff is all bullshit if it says we aren't.” He chuckled and dug his toes into the sand. “This water is unbelievable it’s like a bath.”

            “Definitely better than East coast.” I watched as the last glimpse of the sun disappeared into the ocean, ducking behind the horizon, and casting a hazy purple across the sky.

            “Can I kiss you?” Sebastian whispered a couple of quiet moments later. 

            “In the sake of clichés, I think you have to, even though we sort of missed the sunset already.” I smiled and turned to face him.

            He grinned and leaned down slightly to kiss me. The tip of his tongue gently grazed over my lower lip as he drew me closer to him. We could’ve been in the middle of Times Square, on top of a mountain, or stuck in a glacier. The only thing I focused on was his touch and the unique warmth that emanated from his skin. It wasn’t the hot, uncomfortable, barraging feeling that I usually got when people kissed me. It was slightly restrained as he listened to the physical cues I was giving him. It was comforting and I could’ve kissed him for hours if given the chance.

            “Ah, fuck.” He went to nibble on my lip before he pulled back with a sharp jolt, his teeth narrowly missing my skin.

            “What?”

            “I think a crab just walked over my foot.” He looked down and lo and behold, a small crab was skittering across the sand. Its claws held up like it was trying to challenge us. 

            I giggled and watched as it zigzagged back and forth around us. “I think we’re interrupting his dinner or something.”

            “I thought it was a spider and then realized we were standing in the ocean.” He walked out of the shallows. The crab scurried around for a bit and then buried itself back under the sand where we were standing.

            “You’re adorable.” I dug my toes in the sand to kiss his cheek.

            He wrapped an arm around my waist and we continued to walk back to the hotel. “Which horoscope is the crab? There's a crab one isn't there? That must be some sort of sign.”

            “Uh…Cancer? I think. My mom’s a Cancer.”

            “Maybe it was her trying to break us up.” He raised an eyebrow.

            “Oh trust me, once she meets you, she’s going to be throwing me a party for landing a guy as attractive as you.” I winced. “In fact, you might want to avoid my family for as long as you possibly can.”

            He laughed and we found our way back to the pathway up to the hotel. I reached down to brush the sand off my feet and put my sandals back on.

            “Don’t try to scare me off, Sofia, it’s not going to be that easy.”

            “What if I told you my family kept a bunch of crabs and tarantulas?”

            “I’d brave it out.”

            “You’re a funny guy, I’m not really sure where in the world you came from.” I took his hand again.

            “Romania.”

            “Oh, that’s right.”


	5. Chapter 5

            When the plane touched down on the JFK tarmac, the magic faded away. I felt stupid walking off the airplane wearing a tan, shorts, and a t-shirt. I got a few jealous looks from the New Yorkers that had been stuck in the frigid city.

            I ducked into the nearest bathroom and pulled out a pair of leggings and a jacket from my backpack. It was time to return to the real world.

            My sister had returned to Los Angeles and it would be a few months before I saw her again. And Sebastian…

 

            “Stay with me tonight.”

            As my sister and her husband danced with Adriana after dinner, Sebastian and I found a quiet place. The week had gone by much too fast even though we’d all but ditched our traveling companions to spend time with each other. My sister didn’t mind though, she said she wanted me to find someone so I didn’t end up dying alone.

            I pressed back against the alcove wall and looked into his eyes. “I have to leave early for my flight.”

            “That’s okay.” He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and tilted his head down, his forehead brushing up against mine. He was so close and his now familiar scent was overwhelming. Technically we were still in public though and I couldn’t really rip his clothes off like I wanted to.

            My fingers trailed down the buttons of his shirt. “I don’t want to wake you up.”

            “I should go for a run anyways.” He replied and swiped his thumbs over each side of my jaw. “That’ll help get my mind off of you when you’re gone.”

            “You’re going to try to forget me?”

            He laughed softly, his warm breath tickling the wisps of hair on my neck. “I’m pretty sure I would never forget you. Plus we’ll be in the same city again soon so why would I want to forget you?”

            I bit my lip and tilted my head to the side, examining the stitching on the collar of his shirt. “I dunno. I’m no actress, that’s for sure.”

            “So?”

            “So…”

            “Buttons.” He smiled slightly.

            I laughed. “Sew buttons.” I nodded and let my fingers travel to his back, my fingernails scraping over his nape of his neck and the bristle of his recently cut hair.

            “Seriously, it doesn’t matter what you do.” He reminded me. “You’re a good person and that’s what matters.”

            I looked up at him; his steel blue eyes met mine. “You don’t know me well enough to say that.”

            “Is there something important I need to know? I doubt anything would change my mind now.” His hands rested on my hips, keeping me close to him.

            My conscious fought with itself for a few minutes. I was unsure whether I should tell him about my panic attacks or just stick a fork in the whole thing, return to New York, and never think about him again. He was right though. How could I forget him?

            “Sofia?” He nudged me back into reality. “You can be honest with me.” He coaxed softly.

            My heart ached when I saw the sincere compassion in his eyes. He was so genuine. “I…I don’t know what to tell you.”

            “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Just know that I’m sure whatever it is…it won’t change my view of you. Unless you’re like a serial killer or something.”

            I laughed and shook my head.

            “You’re not, right?” He teased and pressed his hands into the small of my back. “Because I don’t want to end up doing something kinky where you tie me up and out of nowhere you kill me. That would be a buzz kill.”

            “Oh my God.” I giggled.

            “I love your laugh.” He sighed contently. “Your smile too.”

            “You’re just trying to get into my pants.” I accused playfully. “You don’t have to keep complimenting me.”

            “You’re not wearing pants. And I’m not complimenting you for that reason. It’s true.”

            “You’re a smart ass.”

            “And you have a nice ass.”

            “Sebastian!” I smacked his chest lightly.

            He cracked up and pressed his forehead to mine. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Just stay with me tonight. You don’t even have to kiss me, I just want you by my side.”

            I trailed my fingers through his soft hair. “You’re insane to think I won’t kiss you.”

            “Oh thank God.” He breathed and tilted his head to capture my lips with his.

 

            The memory kept replaying in my head on the cab ride back to my apartment. I sighed and rested my forehead against the cold window. The city looked ten times drearier than it did when I left. Maybe it was because I knew there were brighter places out there. One with a certain actor whose smile lit up the room.

            My chest tightened. Why did it hurt so much? He promised we would stay in touch, even gave me his number and I gave him mine. I supposed I worried about the possibility that he wouldn’t think I was as fun back in Manhattan. Maybe I wouldn’t be as appealing when he was around Hollywood’s most beautiful again.

            I looked down at my phone. I promised I would text him when I landed. But I hadn’t gotten up the courage. There was that nagging thought that I would text him and he wouldn’t reply. I would be haunted by the image of my words left unanswered.

            Then there was the fear that I was just convenient. Someone who was willing to have a little fling over vacation and finish the week off by ending up in bed with him. It was the cold afterthought of my insecurity. The sex had felt so real and special at the moment, but perhaps I was too caught up in my loneliness.

            I rubbed a hand over my face and let my phone rest in my lap again. I had to work tomorrow morning. I probably needed to go grocery shopping tonight; I had no food in the apartment. I had a dentist appointment that Wednesday. I needed to pick up my medication from the pharmacy too. As my usual thoughts crept in, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I pressed a hand to my mouth and tried to swallow it all.

 

            _Did you land yet or were you delayed?_

 

            Sebastian.

            I freezing wave of relief and grief overcame me. Why didn’t he see what was really in front of him? Nothing more than a woman who was afraid of her own shadow and the world around her. I wanted to pull him close and push him away at the same time. It was so much easier when I was in his arms. There wasn’t a question in my mind whether I wanted him or not. When I kissed him, when his arms were around me, when he touched me, I knew I wanted to spend every waking moment with him. But when I was alone, I wondered if I was even worth the trouble.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual themes, smoking, swearing

            I was readjusting to the cold weather and things seemed to be back to normal. Expect I was texting an actor in my free time. That was a lot different. But I tried to keep an even head about it. I realized it would probably fizzle out because he led such a busy life. He wouldn’t have time for me. Erica hardly came to New York anymore. She was always traveling or working morning to night on a project. It was the Hollywood life.

            I was standing at the bar, my shift had just started and the after-dinner crowd was trickling in. The atmosphere was relatively quiet, people were just chatting in their own little groups, and mellow music played over the speakers.

            “What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

            I turned around in surprise. “Sebastian?” I walked around the bar to go hug him. “Hey…”

            He laughed softly and hugged me back, kissing my cheek. “Sorry for that cheesy line. It’s a nice place.”

            “Yeah, the owner’s nice. What are you doing here?” I asked. The worries I’d been feeling for the past few days were starting to melt away. Seeing him in person was such a relief.

            “Well, I got home this morning and figured I’d come to say hi to you. You mentioned where you worked so I thought it would be the easiest way to see you quickly. I don’t want to interrupt you though.”

            “No it’s fine…I’ll go on my fifteen, stay here.” I smiled and went back to the bar.

            My friend and coworker, Alex, glanced over at me. “Who is that?” He asked.

            “I uh…I met him while I was on vacation with Erica.” I explained as I untied the apron that was around my waist.

            “Holy shit, he’s like a Greek God or something.” He groaned. “Good for you.”

            I smiled and shook my head and grabbed my jacket from underneath the bar. “I’m going to go on my break. If I’m late just come grab me from outside.”

            Alex winked at me. “I catch your drift, girl, don’t worry.” He laughed.

            My cheeks turned red and I went back to Sebastian. “Here, we can go outside for a quiet place.” I offered and led him to the back doorway that led to the alleyway.

            Sebastian followed close behind. “I’m really glad to see you those last few days were boring.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

            “You didn’t have fun with your friends?” I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm in the cold, night air.

            “Yeah, it was fine. They can be jackasses sometimes though.” He held out the pack to me to offer one.

            “No thanks, I quit last year,” I explained.

            “Stronger than I am.” He stuck the cigarette between his lips and dug out a lighter. “Every time I think I’m done with them for good I have one of those days where I need one.”

            “Yeah, I know what you mean.” I smiled humorlessly. “I kind of had to, they’re so damn expensive. It was either cut them out of my life or give up something else.”

            He sighed slowly, exhaling a thin trail of smoke into the frigid air. “Well, I missed you.” He looked over at me. “Did you miss me?”

            “Of course. You definitely shook up my life. Coming back here was like a shot in the face. I kind of thought it had ended in St. Martin.” I admitted.

            He looked surprised. “Oh did you…I mean…I just thought. Shit, I didn’t mean to think it was something more than you did. I just assumed…”

            “No, no.” I shook my head. “I thought you would think it was a one time deal. I thought you’d be bored of me.”

            He raised an eyebrow. “Sofia, there are very few people who are genuine in my life. I feel like I’m alone even when I’m in a room full of people.”

            “You definitely stole that from a song.”

            “I might’ve.” He chuckled. “It’s true though.”

            “I know it is. I’ve felt that way before.” I took a deep breath, inhaling the enticing smell of smoke.

            “Sorry, this isn’t fair to you.” He dropped the cigarette on the ground and snuffed it out with the toe of his shoe.

            “I don’t mind.”

            “No, c’mon.” He opened the door back into the bar for me.

            “My break’s not over yet, we can…” I could barely say anything else before he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the bathroom. I wasn’t that slow-witted and caught onto his plan pretty quickly.

            I locked the door behind us and crushed my lips to his. Everything about him in that moment was intoxicating. I could taste the sour taste of nicotine on his lips, the scent of smoke lingered on his jacket and it mixed with his cologne.

            He lifted my up onto the counter and stood between my knees. It was funny to know that it didn’t matter where we were. A tropical beach or a bar bathroom, his kiss was still breathtaking. I hummed softly against his lips, losing myself to his lure.

            He slipped my jacket off my shoulders and trailed his fingers down my arms and to my legs. My lips parted and let him completely take over. I felt a rush of adrenaline and my heart was pounding but I felt completely steady. My mind told me to let him take control because I could trust him and I needed him.

            Sebastian drew away from my lips to catch a breath. “When is your shift over?” He breathed heavily.

            “Two.” I gasped out a reply.

            “Come over to my place afterward, I want to fuck you.” He growled seductively and bent down to mouth at my neck.

            I tilted my head back, my mouth falling open. Was this really what true ecstasy felt like? Or was it later on in the night at his apartment? “I don’t want to keep you up so late.”

            “I’ll be up all night anyways thinking about you.”

            I let out a small moan when he used his teeth to tug on my earlobe. It was like he knew every single weak spot of mine even after only sleeping together once. “Okay,” I whispered and touched his cheek to kiss him again.

 

            “You two better not have fucked in the bathroom,” Alex said as he passed behind me at the bar.

            “What?” I squeaked. “We didn’t!”

            “Good. I’m not cleaning up after you. But I think I know where you’re going tonight after your shift.” He said in a singsong tone. "The way he was looking at you before he left. I'm surprised you didn't tell me you were sick and just went home with him. That's what I would've done." 

            I rolled my eyes and smacked him with a rag. “That’s my business, not yours, Nosy Nellie.”

            “And it's his business too.”

            “Shut up.”

            “He looks rich, is he a sugar daddy or something? Because I have some bills I need to be paid…”

            I laughed and shook my head. “No, of course not. He…” I paused as I was pouring from the tap. “I don’t know, we’re still figuring things out. We’re not exactly of the same caliber. He’s a little higher up there than I am.”

            “Is he in business or something? Those pants looked expensive.”

            “He’s not in business and how do you know? Were you checking him out?” I gave him a look.

            “Of course I was going to check out his ass!” Alex replied. “You’re dumb to think I wouldn’t if a man like that walked in.” He tutted. “It’s nice though.”

            “It is, isn’t it?” My face burned but I had butterflies in my stomach thinking about Sebastian.

 

            Normally after a long night shift, I was too tired to even stand up straight. But that night, I felt electrified. I hailed a cab and took it straight to Sebastian’s. I buzzed the door and he let me in without a word. My leg shook anxiously as I rode the elevator up to his floor. I barely had time to wait after I knocked on his door.

            He opened it and swept me inside, kissing me deeply as he shut it.

            “I was worried you’d fallen asleep.” I teased between kisses.

            “You were driving me crazy, how could I sleep?” He replied and gave me a minute to take off my shoes and coat.

            “Wow…” I said quietly as I walked into his high-end loft. A place like his in the heart of Manhattan couldn’t be cheap.

            “Want something to drink?” He offered.

            “No thanks.” I shook my head and walked around his front room, feeling a little out of place. There was no way I could bring him back to my apartment. I’d be so embarrassed to let him into my tiny one-bedroom spread.

            My worried thoughts were brushed aside as I felt warm arms wrapping around my waist from behind. The tip of his nose graze down my jaw, as he went to kiss my neck. “I’m so glad we met.” He murmured. “I’ve never felt like this before. I couldn’t get you out of my head.”

            Flashes of my mother’s face crossed my mind.

            “Don’t fall into a relationship so quickly, Sofia.” She’d say to me if she saw me. Of course first she would pull me home by my ear, yell at me about the sanctity of my purity, flick holy water at me, and beg Jesus to forgive my scandalous ways. Unfortunately for my mother, my virginity was a lost a long time ago. I had my college boyfriend to thank for that one.

            Besides, Sebastian felt different. I didn’t feel like I was rushing into anything with him. It seemed right. Or maybe that was just the lust talking. I couldn’t blame alcohol for this one.

            “You okay?”

            “What? Oh yeah, just got lost in my thoughts for a moment.” I said and turned around to face him. I rested my hands on his chest and smiled up at him. “I’m glad we met too. You make me feel safe.” And that was one of the most important things in my life. Not feeling like I was free falling every time I walked out of the house.

            He returned the smile and ran his hands up and down my sides. “Good.”

            “I might get in trouble for making out in the bathroom with you though.” I giggled.

            “Then quit.” He shrugged and pulled me closer to kiss my collarbone.

            “I need the money.” I tilted my head to the side to give him a better angle.

            “Come and live with me, I’ll take care of you.” He murmured against my skin.

            My blood ran cold for a second and I pulled away. _Don’t rush._

            He looked confused for a moment until he seemed to realize exactly what he’d said. “Shit, I’m sorry.” He ran a hand over his face.

            “I can take care of myself,” I said shakily.

            “I know you can.” He winced and shook his head. “I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that.”

            I rubbed my arm and looked at the ground. “It’s okay.” It was such a touchy subject. Even if Erica tried to help me out financially I clammed up. Shouldn’t a woman nearly in her thirties be able to fend for herself? Could I really be that useless?

            “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable about anything like that. Money doesn’t matter to me, it’s about the kind of person you are.” He said cautiously.

            Money did matter to me. It mattered whether I made enough so I could pay the bills and have a roof over my head. “I know.” I swallowed and feigned a smile. “You mean well and I appreciate that. But I can take care of myself.” I reiterated. As long as he knew that, things could be okay. It didn’t have to get awkward between us.

            He nodded, his puppy dog eyes meeting mine. “So…I’ll uh…do you want a ride home?

            I tilted my head to the side. “So early? I thought you said you wanted to fuck me.” I replied innocently.

            A smile formed on his face and he scooped me up in his arms, taking me into his bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

 

            I wasn’t used to waking up in an unfamiliar environment. It took me a while to get adjusted to the hotel room in St. Martin. Now I was waking up in someone’s apartment. My mind went into overdrive and I jolted upright. My eyes scanned the room for any indication of where I was. But I had been so caught in the moment with Sebastian that I hadn’t really noticed his room.

            Fearing the absolute worst (I’d been kidnapped by a serial killer) I jumped out of bed. That’s when I realized I was naked. The night before started to slowly return to me and I began to relax. I was in Sebastian’s apartment.

            I sat down on the edge of his bed and noticed the bathroom door was closed but a light was coming from underneath it. I rested a hand over my chest and tried to slow down my heart rate.

            There was a cold draft coming in through the open window. I stood up and walked over to close it. My eyes lingered at the sun that was just starting to creep up on the New York skyline. I yawned slightly and felt the early morning heaviness that I usually felt when I woke up for work. I rubbed my eyes and heard the bathroom door open.

            Soft footsteps approached from behind and warm arms enveloped me. It was a welcoming contrast to the cold room.

            “Did I wake you up?” His rough morning voice was unbearable and I felt my knees weaken. Why was it that everything he did made me melt?

            “No, I usually wake up this early for work.”

            “It’s Saturday, you can sleep in. I’m just heading to the gym, but I’ll be back.” His fingers splayed over my hips and his thumb rubbed circles over my skin.

            “If I go back to bed I won’t get up the rest of the day,” I told him.

            “That’s not the worst thing.” He chuckled and brushed my hair back. He bent his head slightly to kiss behind my ear. “C’mon, you can give yourself a break every so often.”

            “I take breaks, I was just on vacation.” I reminded him.

            “Doesn’t mean you have to work yourself to death.”

            “This is New York, most people have to work themselves to death.” I rested my hands over his and glanced down. My work skirt from the night before was crumpled up near my feet. Sebastian must’ve thrown it the night before. I was surprised to realize I was still naked. If I ever had the time to go out and had a long enough relationship to sleep with the guy, I was extremely self-conscious about my body. But with Sebastian I barely noticed. I hadn’t the slightest clue why.

            But once I remembered, I cleared my throat and looked for something to cover up with.

            I noticed his shirt to our left and withdrew from his arms to grab it.

            “Damn…” He grumbled.

            “What?” I asked as I did up a few buttons in the middle.

            “I mean, you look good in my shirt but I think I’d rather have you walking around my apartment with nothing on.”

            I rolled my eyes. “Do you always have your mind in the gutter?”

            “I can be sweet too.” He smirked and held out a hand to me.

            It was too tempting to pass up. I took his hand and let him pull me back into his arms.

            “Like, I’ll grab you breakfast and coffee on my way back from the gym. You can sleep in a few extra hours and by the time you wake up again I’ll be back. You can even have breakfast in bed, I really don’t care.”

            I raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you trying to butter me up for something else? Like maybe round two of last night?”

            He laughed and shook his head. “Trust me it’s a miracle I’m getting to the gym. You wore me out last night, I’m not as young as I used to be.”

            “So you’re just naturally sweet?” I rested my hands on his chest and admired his arms again. Last night had been fun, getting to reacquaint with his Greek God body. I had thought I had exaggerated a few parts in my memory when I returned to New York but realized I hadn’t.

            “I’d call it overbearing…I can be an asshole sometimes.” He rubbed the back of his neck, his other hand resting on the small of my back.

            “I find that hard to believe.”

            “Difficult?” He tilted his head to the side.

            “You seem pretty easy going to me.”

            “Pain in the ass?”

            “Maybe, but in a good way.”

            He laughed and let me go. “I don’t think that’s possible but I appreciate it.” He walked back into the bathroom but left the door open.

            “What about me? I can be…skittish.” I tended to dance around the phrase ‘anxious’ when I was talking to newer people.

            “Skittish?” He tried styling his hair back a bit; he was growing it longer again but it was at an awkward length. He couldn’t pull it back in a ponytail yet so he decided on a baseball cap to keep it out of his face.

            I sat on the edge of the bed and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt so they didn’t fall over my hands. “Maybe overly…afraid of stupid things? I ruminate on stuff way too much, especially you.” I admitted.

            He turned off the bathroom light and walked back into the bedroom. With the light off it was much darker in the room. The sun was still too weak to brighten up anything. But I could still see him well enough to make out the expressions on his face.

            “You don’t have to worry about me too much.” He assured me and stroked my hair back behind my shoulders. “My feelings for you are genuine and I know it’s a new relationship but you can trust that.”

            “What if there’s more to me than you expected?” I asked quietly.

            “You keep saying that but I haven’t seen much to be afraid of. If there’s something that you need to tell me then you can.” He reminded me. “I mean I think we’ve gotten to the point where we’ve gotten a good sense of each other, to be honest. And you don’t always get to know someone right away. I think it takes like a year or two to truly know someone.”

            “You want to waste two years of your life finding out I’m bad for you?” I whispered. It was such a flip in my thoughts. The night before I had felt confident and so loved by him. Now, in the cold light of morning, I came back to my senses. I wasn’t looking through lust-covered glasses, I could see what really could happen.

            “Sofia, getting to know you wouldn’t be a waste. I don’t know how else to tell you I really like being around you. I mean if you need me to say it in different languages, I can learn. I know it in Romanian, _te iubsec._ ”

            I bit my lip. “How do I know you’re not saying something else?” I challenged.

            He shrugged. “I guess you don’t.

            “Hm.” I sighed and took his hands. “We can talk more about it. I just want to warn you ahead of time. You shouldn’t be investing so much time into me only to be disappointed.”

            “I bet you I won’t be.” He kissed my forehead. “Go back to sleep, I’ll be back before you know it.”

            I relented and got back under the warm comforter. His scent completely enveloped me and it was almost as good as being held in his arms.

            “Coffee?” He threw on a sweatshirt.

            “Something caramel. I’ll eat anything sugary.”

            “That’s why you’re so sweet.” He grinned and went to pull the shade to keep the sun from disturbing me. “I’ll be back, _te iubesc.”_ He repeated the foreign phrase

            He left and I reached for my phone. I looked up a translator and tried to translate the phrase ‘I care about you’ in Romanian. I frowned when it came up with something long and unlike what he said. I tried a few different variations of the phrase but nothing came up. It was nearly impossible to try to spell out what he said so I couldn’t reverse translate it. There wasn’t anything else I could think of so I set my phone down and headed back to sleep. Maybe in time, he’d tell me what it really meant.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Te iubesc: I love you. But we'll get into that a little later ;)


	8. Chapter 8

            I woke up again to the smell of coffee. I turned over and opened my eyes with a smile.

            Sebastian was setting down a coffee and bag with something that smelled warm and dashed with cinnamon. He returned my smile when he saw I was awake. “How was sleeping in?” He asked.

            “Good…heavenly.” I sighed and sat up. “Thank you.”

            “You’re welcome. I’m going to take a shower.” He said and returned to the bathroom.

            I took off the lid of the coffee to let it cool down a little and opened the bag to find a mouthwatering cinnamon bun. I began eating it, taking small sips of the coffee when it cooled. It was calming to hear the shower running as I was enveloped in warmth from his sheets and the breakfast.

            After a bit, Sebastian emerged and got changed. “I could get used to this.” He murmured as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants.

            I was thankful he neglected to throw on a t-shirt as I admired his body for the millionth time it seemed. “I could too.”

            He crawled onto the bed and hovered over me. He kissed me softly and I could taste the lingering mint from his toothpaste. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. “If you were mine I’d get you breakfast in bed every weekend.” He purred.

            I smiled shyly and looped my arms around him, my nails scraping against the nape of his neck. “I mean I know we haven’t made it official…but I’d be yours.”

            “Good.” He sighed and buried his face in the crook of my neck. He rolled us over so I was resting on him instead. “Don kicked my ass this morning, I’m already sore.”

            “Your trainer?”

            He nodded, his damp hair brushing against my cheeks.

            “Well, I’ll have to thank him later. He gave you good stamina.” I replied cheekily.

            He laughed. “I’m glad you think so.”

            We lay there for a moment. I rested my cheek on his chest and stared at the pillow I’d slept on. It was a situation I didn’t think I’d be in. I was playing with the idea of a long-term relationship. There were conflicting feelings in my heart. Part of me was thrilled at the possibility of settling down and keeping Sebastian all to myself. But there was the other half of me that was realistic. He was an actor. I knew from Erica that Hollywood wasn’t an easy life. Even if you had a toe in the spotlight you were scrutinized. I could barely deal with the prying questions from my family let alone complete strangers. It was hard trying to brush off the opinions of other people. My anxiety constantly convinced me that people were talking shit about me and I wasn’t worth anything.

            Erica tried her best to coach me through it.

            “You don’t have to worry about what other people think. They’re opinions don’t matter in the long run. You need to be happy with yourself. You can’t allow people to make you feel anything. You feel the way you want to feel.”

            She was successful for a reason. She didn’t listen to the criticism of her peers that a young, woman of color could become an Oscar-worthy director. If she had and doubted herself, she never would’ve made it. I was always so proud of her, I just wish I had the strength to follow her lead and be proud of myself.

            But I liked the way Sebastian felt about me, even if it was semi-deluded. He seemed to think I was the one for him, the person he’d been searching for. I was sure that I was never going to be ‘the one’ for any person. If anything, I expected myself to find someone who tolerated me and settle into a somewhat distant marriage. If I could close myself off from my family, I was sure I could do it to a spouse.

            That didn’t seem right when it came to Sebastian. It seemed unfair to close him out when he was such a genuine and honest person.

            I told him I liked honesty. It was hypocritical.

            “I have panic attacks,” I whispered out of nowhere.

            “What?” Sebastian rested his head back to look at me.

            I hesitated as I was locked into his gaze. I swallowed and repeated myself. “I have panic attacks. That’s what…I’ve been kind of talking about. The reason you might not really know the real me.”

            He didn’t seem disturbed. “Okay. But that’s not who you truly are, it’s a disorder, right?” His voice wasn’t concerned if anything he was open and curious.

            “Yeah.” My words still came out weak.

            “So, someone with a disorder is affected by it but it’s not who they really are.” He said simply. “My friend Chris has anxiety but it doesn’t define who he is. He’s a great guy. I wouldn’t hold that against him.”

            I stared at him in disbelief. “But I…” I thought he would call me a freak, say I was crazy or I should ‘just get over it’.

            “Sofia, this doesn’t change my view of you.” He insisted and ran his fingers through my hair.

            “You might think that now but what if you see it happen and you just…” I swallowed and shook my head. “It’ll drive you away.”

            “I know that it won’t.”         

            I groaned and pushed away from him. I stood up and tried to figure out what to do. It might’ve been easier if he just pushed me away. That would end that and I wouldn’t have to worry. But I would miss him and what could’ve been. I put my head in my hands, getting a headache from the anxiety I was feeling. I was hurtling headfirst into an attack if I couldn’t calm down.

            “Sofia, what can I do to help?” His gentle voice brought me out from my own thoughts.

            I turned and looked at him. He was sitting up on the edge of the bed. “What?”

            “I mean, if there’s something I need to learn that can help you through a panic attack, I’ll do it.” He said with a concerned look. “Breathing…or another exercise. Just be honest with me. I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

            “I don’t want to burden you.”

            “You’re not.”

            I couldn’t fathom why he was doing this to himself. I knew I wasn’t an easy candidate for a relationship. Why wasn’t he making it easier for himself by finding someone with lower maintenance?

            _Maybe because he cares about you._

            The calming, comforting thought came out of nowhere. It was the complete opposite of my usual self-degrading cycle of thinking.

            _Maybe because he cares about you._

“You really care about me?” I whispered.

            “Of course. I thought I made that clear.” He smiled. “This isn’t a chore to me, Sofia. When I see you, it’s so uplifting. And if I need to educate myself to help you I’d do that in a heartbeat. I’d take a damn class or get a college degree just to help you.”

            I laughed softly and shook my head. “It’s not that complicated,” I mumbled.

            “See? You kept saying it was but it’s not.” He smiled playfully. “C’mon, let’s spend the day in bed. You can tell me what I need to do.” He lay back down and held an arm out to me.

            I thought it would be a disaster, but I walked back over and curled up into his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

I was starting to see how fun Sebastian was to be around. I thought his looks and charm was enough to win me over but he had a few surprises up his sleeve. In fact, it was easy to forget how cold it was when I was beside him. 

We were all bundled up, walking down Fifth Avenue together. I didn’t have to work until late that night, so it was nice to have the day to spend with him. 

“That’s so pretty.” I stopped by a jewelry store and gazed at the stunning necklace with a matching ring. 

“You should get it,” Sebastian said. 

I snorted. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s a full year of rent right there. That diamond is huge.” 

“I’ll get it for you.” He shrugged. “Might as well start shopping for engagement rings.” 

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Engagement rings? We’ve been dating for less than two weeks.” I reminded him and steered him away from the window display before he got any ideas. 

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for whirlwind relationships.” He chuckled. 

“My sister would kill you and then me.” 

“Yikes…” 

“Yeah, she may be younger but she’s protective.” 

“Okay, we’ll table that idea then.” He glanced up at the sky as some snowflakes started to drift through the air. “I’m glad we get to spend New Years together.” He said, an arm wrapped around my waist as we dodged the crowds. 

I smiled. “Yeah, that’ll be fun.” I agreed. 

“I hope you kiss me at midnight.” 

“I’m going to kiss you at 11:59 and 12:01. I won’t kiss you exactly at midnight.” I replied trying to sound serious. 

“Darn it, the magic faded quick, didn't it?” 

“It did when you woke me up so early this morning.” 

“I thought I made up for that with coffee.” 

I tilted my head to the side and pretended to think. “Partly.” 

“Well, alright, I’ll figure out a way to get that spark back. I didn’t think we’d end up becoming like an old married couple so fast.” He sighed. 

“Before we’re even married.” 

He grinned. “So you  are  considering marrying me.” 

“You’re insufferable.” I rolled my eyes.

“It grows on you.” He tugged me away from a patch of ice before I slipped. 

“Mhm…” I wandered over to the Burberry store before we passed it.  I smiled  slightly as I saw the mannequin wearing the typical khaki trench coat and a scarf with the trademark plaid design . “I’ve always wanted one of their scarves,” I admitted  sheepishly . “When I got my own apartment, I started putting some tips from the bar aside. My BSF, Burberry Scarf Fund.” I laughed. “But I had to dip into the jar more than a few times to make ends meet and I decided it  just wasn’t worth it. So I bought a knockoff.” I shrugged. “It was silly to think of spending that much money on something so small like a scarf.” 

Sebastian thought for a moment and took my hand. “C’mon.” He walked towards the doors to the store. 

“What? No, Sebastian, don’t even think about it.” I warned, tugging him back to the sidewalk. 

“I  just want to look around.” It was obvious he was fibbing though. 

I gave him a look. “You’re not buying me anything.” 

“I’m going to look around.” He repeated, avoiding the question. 

I sighed and followed him into the warm store. It was strange being inside. I felt  severely out of place. I didn’t even want to think of stepping into designer stores, it was like I was wasting money only by looking. Usually, I shopped in department stores or second-hand stores. I prided myself in finding the best deals possible. I had even walked away with a beautiful dress for nine dollars once. The thought of wasting money on clothing was unbearable. There were more important things than wearing brand names. Like rent and food. 

My one experience with shopping in boutiques was with my sister on Rodeo Drive. She wasn’t frivolous with her money but she liked some nice clothes now and again. It didn’t matter because she had the money. The staff always flocked to her, eager to help her. I was  perfectly aware that I didn’t look like the usual clientele. I was pretty sure I was wearing a shirt from Disneyland because we’d gone the day before. 

A woman walked over to us with a smile. “Can I help you two?” She asked. It was clear that Sebastian fit in. He looked like he stepped out of the winter issue of a men’s fashion magazine. 

I glanced down at myself, wondering why she assumed the same about me. I was wearing a black pea coat that  may  have looked like it was expensive despite the pieces of lint stuck to the hem. 

“She’s looking for a scarf.” 

“No, we’re  just looking around.” I forced a smile and squeezed his hand to show my displeasure. 

“It is cold out, let me show you.” She walked us over to the neat and sparing displays. I was good at rifling through the messy sales racks. There were  maybe one or two items per shelf, no visible price tag, and each placed  perfectly for the consumer. 

“The tan plaid, right, baby?” Sebastian asked. 

It was so hard to say no to him when he used pet names. But I tried to keep my resolve. “How much is it?” I asked hoping to deter him. 

The young woman opened her mouth but Sebastian stopped her. “She doesn’t need to know, I’m the one paying.” He smiled. “Babe, it’s a Christmas present.” He said  softly . 

“We met after Christmas and it’s January so you can’t give it to me for this year,” I replied  calmly . 

“Exactly, it’s  belated .” He seemed to have a rebuttal to every argument I came up with. 

“You’ve known me for nine days.” I tilted my head to the side and gave him an exasperated look. 

“Has it been that long? Feels like months.” 

“Nine days.” 

“Best nine days of my life.” 

“I hate you.” I knew I wasn’t winning. His playful eyes and smile were getting to me. I knew he had the money but that wasn’t the point. I told myself if I ever had enough money to spare, I would buy it. But it had to be from my own hard work. I didn’t take handouts from anyone. Still, it felt nice to have someone treat me. I’d never accepted such a gift before. I felt like modern royalty. Was this how Kate felt when William doted on her? “This is a one time thing.” I prefaced. 

“We’ll take it.” He said with a victorious smile. 

I hovered by him as he paid for the scarf, I tried to figure out the price but he hid it from me, pocketing the receipt into his wallet . 

“She’ll wear it out.” He said and the woman cut the tags off, yet another way to hide the price. 

We walked outside and Sebastian stopped in front of the store. “It’s okay to accept things sometimes.” He said  quietly and  carefully wrapped the scarf around my neck. “You don’t need to feel guilty.” 

I bit my lip. This wasn’t how I saw myself getting the scarf of my dreams. In fact, I  probably knew I would never it get it. It was  just a dream. But I didn’t expect to get someone like Sebastian either. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Money isn’t a measure of love.” 

“I know.” He rested his hands on my hips. “But I’m going to spoil you because you deserve it.” He replied and bent down to kiss me before I could say anything else. 


	10. Chapter 10

            I got a few offers for New Years Eve parties but I decided to wait and ask Sebastian first for his plans. I wanted to spend time with him more than anything.

            “Hey.” I smiled when I saw Sebastian waiting in the lobby of my building. I decided to spend my lunch break with him that Monday.

            He was holding a bag from my favorite nearby café. “They had your favorite soup and I got you desert.” He said after pecking my lips.

            “You’re the best.”

            It was too cold to eat outside and I wanted to get away from the office so we ate in the lobby.

            “How’s work?” Sebastian asked as he handed me a cup of the best tomato soup I’d ever had. He rifled through the bag to find the spoon.

            I sighed and rolled my eyes. “My boss is being an ass like usual,” I grumbled and popped the lid of the container. “But I can’t say anything because they’re downsizing and I’m afraid of losing my job.” I stared at the spoon in my hand, waiting for the soup to cool. “And I can’t lose this job.”

            Sebastian looked concerned. “Sofi…if you need help-”

            I was quick to cut him off. “I don’t take handouts, Sebastian, you know that.”

            “I know. But I’m not going to let you struggle either when you don’t have to.”

            There wasn’t much point arguing with him. I was never going to ask for money and he would never cede. So I decided to change the subject. “Were you planning on going to a party for New Years?” I asked.

            He seemed unwilling to talk about something else but dropped the previous conversation. “Yeah, a friend invited me. I was hoping we could go together. If you had other plans, we can do them instead.”

            “No, no, don’t worry about that. I want to meet your friends.” I smiled.

            “I can’t wait to introduce you to them.” He looked a bit shy. “They’re not going to believe I landed someone like you.”

            I laughed. “Really? You don’t think it’ll be the other way?”

            “Definitely not.” He shook his head, his eyes shining.

            My foot tapped against the low table in front of us. “I’m not great at parties,” I admitted.

            “Oh is that a trigger?” Sebastian looked concerned. “Because if it is we don’t have to go.”

            “No, no.” I waved my hand. “I try not to avoid things just because I’m anxious about them. If I did then I wouldn’t be able to live life.” I explained nervously. “It’s not easy but I’ve worked on it for years.”

            “Sofia, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

            “Life is uncomfortable, especially people with anxiety. I can’t live in a cushioned box forever.”

            He nodded slowly, soaking in my words. “You always manage to show me how brave you are.”

            I blushed slightly and shrugged. “It’s not bravery, it’s just trying to live my life.”

            “Sounds pretty brave to me.” He reached for my hand to squeeze it gently.

 

            Despite my willingness to go the few days before, I hit a brick wall. The night before the party, I lay awake in bed, ruminating on the party. I kept getting stuck in the cycle of Sebastian’s friends not liking me. I would feel overcrowded and stuck in a place full of people who thought I was a nobody compared to them. They’d convince Sebastian that he deserved better. I would end up leaving the party without him and he’d never call again. None of his words of encouragement seemed to make it through my thick cloud of self-degradation.

            I got a few hours of sleep and decided to stay in bed for a few hours in the late morning. I heard someone trying to call me but I ignored it. If it was Sebastian, I was still trying to come up with an excuse not to go to the party.

            After years of practice, I was the queen of excuses. And although I was trying not to duck out once I felt the slightest bit of anxiety, my powers still came in handy. But I realized it was a lot harder to lie to Sebastian. He’d been so honest with me, what gave me the right to blatantly lie to him?

 

            _Hey, so my sister…_

Nope, she was in LA that wouldn’t work.

            _I got a call from a friend…_

            About what? What was important enough to miss this party?

            _My mom texted me and told me she…_

            No, he’d get too concerned.

            _I think I came down with something. There’s been a virus floating around the office for a while. I don’t want to get you sick so maybe I shouldn’t come._

            That was good enough so I sent it to him. Hopefully, he’d believe me on face value and go to the party without me. My punishment for lying to him was spending New Years without him.

            _Is there anything I can do?_

            _No, that’s okay. I’m sorry about the party._

            _That’s not what I’m worried about. I want to make sure you’re okay._

_I’ll be okay._

           

            I threw my phone to the end of the bed and curled up in a fetal position. Tears stung my eyes and I felt like I’d betrayed Sebastian and he would never be able to trust me again. As much as I wanted to prove to him I could be reliable, I couldn’t get out of bed. Every muscle, nerve, and bone in my body felt heavy with dread and grief. I buried my head under my blanket and pillows. I closed my eyes and wanted to just fall back asleep so I didn’t have to consciously cope with any of the emotions.

            But before I could, I felt a buzzing by my feet. I pinched my eyes shut, refusing to answer my phone. He needed to be spared from any more lies.

            About an hour later, there was a knock on the door. I figured it was my landlord since no one else ever knocked on my door.

            Not caring what state she saw me in, I dragged myself out of bed and shuffled over to the front door. I glanced in the peephole and my heart skipped a beat.

            Sebastian looked worried as I opened the door slowly. “Hey…sorry for showing up uninvited.”      

            I leaned against the door, trying to forget I was still in my pajamas. The man had seen me naked before so I guess it didn’t matter what I wore in front of him anymore. “It’s okay.”

            “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Do you think you caught the flu?” He stood by the doorway, not letting himself in.

            “I don’t…I don’t know.” My voice shook. It was unbearable to lie to his face.

            He paused and looked me in the eyes. “Sofi, have you been crying?”

            I swallowed and dabbed at my eyes, hoping it wasn’t that obvious. “I’m sorry, Sebastian. I really tried.” I whispered. There wasn’t hiding it anymore.

            “Tried what? Talk to me.” He coaxed.

            I stepped back from the door and let him inside. The air in the apartment was thick with helplessness but there wasn’t much to be done about it. I sat down on the couch, tucking my feet under me.

            He sat down next to me, resting a hand on my knee. “Please tell me what’s going on. Are you sick?”

            “No.” It didn’t matter that my stomach was nauseous; I knew that was just a psychosomatic response.

            “You’re anxious about the party.” He surmised.

            I could only give a meek nod. “I’m sorry for lying to you.” Another wave of tears threatened to spill down my cheeks.

            “Sofia, I don’t care about that. I mean…I do.” He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed deeply. “I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me what you were really feeling. I mean, I know you just told me but...”         

            “It’s not about trusting you. I don’t want you to think I’m some sort of wimp or hermit because I can’t go to a fucking party.” I put my head in my hands.

            “I wouldn’t think that about you. Your anxiety isn’t something I would judge. I want to understand it better, not dismiss it. What scares you the most about the party?”

            I lifted my head and looked at him. “I’m afraid your friends won’t like me and they’ll convince you to find someone better,” I admitted quietly. It sounded stupid saying it out loud but it was deeply scarring to me.

            He didn’t laugh or say I was crazy. He didn’t invalidate me. “They wouldn’t think that. And if they did, fuck them.” He shook his head. “No one could convince me you’re not perfect.” He shifted closer to me and took my hand. “I don’t deal with fake people. I try to surround myself with genuine souls, like you.”

            I looked down at his hand and leaned over to rest against him. “When are you going over?” I wondered. It was exhausting to talk about such deep thoughts and feelings.

            “I don’t want to go.” He shook his head. “I’d rather stay here with you. Or we could go to my place, we can see Times Square and the fireworks.”

            “Yeah, I sort of have a crappy view.” I glanced over at the window that faced the brick wall of another building.

            “Alright, so I’ll let you do your thing and you can come over for dinner? Want take-out or I can make us something?” He offered.

            “Um…whatever you want. I don’t want to make you work hard.”

            “I want it to be special. Better than a party.” He stood up and kissed my forehead.

 

            I went up to Sebastian’s floor and knocked on his door.

            “It’s open!” I heard him call so I walked in.

            “Hi.” I shut the door behind me and shrugged off my jacket. An enticing smell lured me into the kitchen. “I don’t really know my champagne so I brought wine instead.” I set the white wine on the counter.

            “That’s okay, I bought some that someone recommended to me.” He turned around from facing the stove to kiss me.

            “What are you making? It smells amazing.”

            “It’s a chicken recipe my mom gave me, it’s almost ready. I hope I did it right, if not we can get take out.”

            “I’m sure it’ll be perfect.” I wandered into the living room and took in the view of Times Square.

            Sebastian came out with plates of food and set them on the coffee table. He turned on the TV to the countdown but kept the volume low. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

            “That is my worst nightmare down there,” I told him. “The crowds…it’s madness. I don’t understand why people do that.”

            “I guess some people see it as a bucket list thing.” I felt the movement of his shoulders shrugging.

            “Not me.”

            “I don’t really see the appeal either. I’d rather drink and spend time with people I love. Speaking of which.” He drew back.

            I went to sit on the couch as he poured two glasses of wine.

            He held up his glass. “Okay, get ready, this is going to be a good one. Here’s to, a new year of getting to know each other better, and to experiencing the better parts of life.”

            “Like sex?” I raised an eyebrow.

            He laughed. “That’s just one of many. We checked off the sunset and beach kiss so that’s good.”

            “We’ll have to make a list to keep track.”

            “We can do that.” He tapped his glass against mine. “Cheers.”

            “Cheers.” I smiled.

 

            We made it to eleven forty before the electricity of the night took over and Sebastian scooped me up and brought me to the bedroom.

            All my anxiety from that day melted right off my skin as he slipped off my dress and kissed me.

            The time grew closer and I could hear the countdown being shouted from outside.

            When it hit midnight, Sebastian kissed me deeply. The fireworks exploded through the night and Auld Lang Syne echoed through the streets. It was so overwhelming I felt tears in my eyes yet again. They pressed between our cheeks.

            He drew back when he felt them. “Okay?” He asked quietly and stroked my hair back.

            I nodded. “I’m happy…I’m so happy,” I whispered and rested my hands on the back of his neck to kiss him again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attacks, anxiety

            When I woke up, it was a new year. I looked up at the ceiling, contemplating how much had changed and how I didn’t expect any of it. I was in a stable relationship with someone who understood my struggles and didn’t judge me. For once, I wasn’t afraid of turning thirty. I actually felt comfortable with the idea. I would even let Erica throw the lavish party she had been planning since I turned twenty-five.

            I rolled over and looked at Sebastian who was still asleep, despite his usual early routine. I gently brushed a few pieces of his hair away from his forehead. My fingertips linger in the soft waves, taking in every inch of him.

            He shifted over and started to wake up. He stretched and yawned before opening his eyes and smiling at me. “Y’know, this has been the best start to the year.” He murmured in his gravely morning voice.

            “Oh yeah?” I whispered, keeping the calm atmosphere of the bedroom.

            “Not waking up hungover but waking up next to you after spending the first few hours doing one of my favorite things.” He couldn’t get the content look off his face.

            “Having sex with me?”

            “I’m pretty sure the correct term is making love.” He responded cheekily. “But yes. Pretty good way to kick off the year, don’t you think?”

            “Absolutely.” I leaned over to kiss him softly.

            “Coffee is a good start too.” He added when we parted.

            “Good idea.” I pushed the covers back and went to grab my overnight bag. I had a feeling I was spending the night so I brought my toiletries and a change of clothes. I went into the bathroom to change and brush my teeth.

            Sebastian was a little slower getting out of bed, pulling on a pair of boxers and shuffling into the bathroom. He ran a hand through his hair.

            After brushing my teeth, I left my toothbrush in the holder next to his. He smiled. “Your toothbrush looks cute next to mine.”

            I laughed and shook my head. “I’m not moving in with you, Stan, it’s too early,” I told him up front.

            “I know, but you could keep some stuff here.” He offered. “A toothbrush…some clothes…whatever you need.”

            “Alright, I can do that.” I nodded and smiled sheepishly. “As long as you keep some of your stuff in my apartment.”

            “I’m pretty sure I already have a sweatshirt there. The one I left yesterday morning.”

            “Oh, no, I’m keeping that,” I informed him casually.

            “Damn…we can’t swap it with another one? I liked that sweatshirt.”

            “I’ll consider it. But it’s really soft and smells like you.” I shrugged and started to fix my hair into a messy ponytail.

            “Does that mean I can have something of yours?” He asked as he walked out of the bathroom and went over to the dresser.

            “Yes, you can have my scarf because you paid for it.” I sat on the edge of his bed to pull on thick, wool socks and then my boots.

            “No, that was a gift. But don’t worry, I’ll find something.”

            I smiled and walked out of his room to get my coat by the door.

            Sebastian came out a few minutes later when I was bundling myself up in preparation for going out in the wintery air. “Usually the New Year never feels that _new_ to me but this year is kind of different.”

            “Why’s that?” I asked as I pulled his scarf off the coat rack and started to carefully wind it around his neck.

            He kept his eyes on me. “You, for certain.”

            “You must’ve had new relationships before.” I reminded him and popped his coat collar.

            “But never ones that I felt like would be long-lasting.” He shrugged.

            “Love is blind.”

 

            Sebastian wrapped an arm around me. I took a sip of my coffee as we waited for his to be finished. The comfy environment of the café and his warm embrace was a calming combination. I rested my cheek against his arm and breathed evenly. I realized I hadn’t had an anxious thought all day. Maybe it really was a new beginning for me.

            But I spoke too soon.

            Within seconds, Sebastian was recognized by a group of high school or college-aged girls. Without warning, they swarmed him.

            Sebastian, oh my God, we’re huge fans of yours.” They started talking all at once, interrupting the peaceful vibe I’d been feeling just seconds earlier.

            Completely thrown off guard, I jerked back. The sudden bombardment of voices and the closeness of the girls made my brain go into hyperdrive.

            Sebastian seemed used to it and obliged their requests of autographs and pictures. They were focused on him, primarily. Though I could see they were trying to figure out who I was and whether they recognized me as well.

            The intrusion of my privacy and peace made me feel violated. Vulnerable and exposed, I backed away from them and went outside for air. I found a bench by the café and sat down, my head in my hands.

            Sebastian wasn’t more than a few seconds behind me. “I’m sorry.” He sat down next to me and rested a hand on my back.

            I jolted in response to his touch. His soothing voice wasn’t enough at that point. I had hurled myself into the spiraling void of panic. The more I thought about the possibility of him being recognized every single day for the rest of our lives made my heart seize up. It felt like the Earth was quickly running out of air as I gasped and hyperventilated. It was like I was breathing in pure anxiety. I pinched my eyes shut and blots of color dabbed behind my eyelids as I pressed the heel of my hand against my face. Everything was closing in around me. My body felt weak and fragile but I tensed up more and more. My heart throbbed against my chest, rapidly beating as my head began to spin from the amount of oxygen I was taking in. I was sure I was going to die. Pain stabbed at my chest and stomach. I wouldn’t survive this one. This would be the one that killed me. This was it. I sobbed against my palms; too consumed with panic to remember I was out in public. I just wanted to curl up and let it take over me so it would stop. Death had to be easier than this.

           

            “Sofi…Sofi, look at me.” I felt warm fingers wrapping around my wrist and lifting my head up away from my face.

            I gasped for more air and hiccupped. His voice was coaxing me away from the darkness but I felt too powerless to let him lead me out.

            “Five things.” He said softly. “Just tell me five things you see.”

            My body shook as I forced my eyes open. Every bit of my irrational mind tried to get me to ignore him and focus solely on my anxious thoughts.

            “The sidewalk.” I forced out, my voice strained and thick from tears.

            “Okay, four more.”

            “My boots.” I hiccupped and let out a sobbing exhale. “The sewer grate.”

            “Two more.”

            “Newspaper…and gum on the street.” I reached up to wipe my eyes as I kept crying. But my heart had started to ease up.

            “Now, four things you can feel.”

            I had to recognize my hands instead of my aching lungs. “Your hand. My socks.” I didn’t feel as dizzy as I continued to think about my surroundings. “The wind. My gloves.”

            “Good.” He rubbed my back soothingly. “Three things you can hear.” He continued to coach me through it.

            My ears had finally stopped ringing and I could hear the New York sidewalk around me. My breath hitched as I listened. “Police siren. Your voice. A dog barking.” I felt my muscles started to relax slowly.

            “Two things you can smell.”

            “Your cologne. The bakery.” I sniffled.

            “Last thing, what’s one thing you can taste?”

            I swallowed and started to finally breathe evenly. “The coffee,” I answered and looked up at him.

            He smiled gently and wiped away some of my tears. “I’m proud of you.” He whispered and held me close. “I’m sorry.”

            I kept crying into his shoulder but felt more in control of my own body and mind again. I was grounded. I let the feeling of his warmth take over.


	12. Chapter 12

 

            There was something surreal about being held by Sebastian. He was intoxicating in many ways, his scent, his warmth, and his strong hands. But his arms also felt like the safest place in the world. It was like he was capable of protecting me from anything, including my own mind.

            I was curled up in his lap, tucking my knees in so I could be as close as possible to him. I rested my cheek on his chest and tried to hide behind his arms.

            The pad of his thumb gently moved in circles over my shoulder. His heartbeat kept a steady rhythm, comforting me even further.

            He was the first to break the silence. “How are you feeling?”

            “Better,” I whispered and my fingers curled around his shirt. “Thank you so much, without you it would’ve taken so much longer to calm down.”

            “Chris taught me that technique. I use it sometimes if I get overwhelmed with things but he said it’s best for panic attacks.”

            “I’ve heard it before, it’s just hard when you’re in that state to remember it. It helps to have someone there to coach you through it.” I bit my lip and released his shirt. I traced my fingers down his sharp jaw and around the contours of his neck and collarbone. “Does this change the way you see me?” I asked quietly, focusing on my fingers so I wouldn’t have to meet his eyes.

            “Of course not. You haven’t changed as a person, you’re still my Sofia.” He replied softly and lifted a hand to brush over my cheek.

            I leaned against his palm and looked up at him. “Your Sofia.”

            “Yes, mine.” He smiled. “I mean your mom has some claim over you too.”

            I laughed softly. “So I’m a little trinket you two get to pass around?”

            He shook his head. “Nah, I’m just glad I get to have you in my life, I get a little greedy.” He tilted his head down to kiss right underneath my earlobe. Over time he’d learned it was my favorite place to be kissed.

            “Well, I am too. You’re my Sebastian.” I replied.

            He breathed out a smile against my neck. “God, I love you.”

            “I love you too.” I ran my fingers through his hair to press him closer to me.

            “I wanted to ask you something.” He sat up and shifted me over so I was straddling his lap, facing him.

            “Okay. What is it?”

            “I know you’re having a hard time with your job. I have a friend who’s looking for a personal assistant, sort of what you do at your office now just a little more focused on only a few people. If I talked to him, would you go in for an interview?”

            I looked a little surprised. I was grateful he didn’t ask for me to quit and stay home all day, mooching off his money. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to get a job based on whom I knew. I supposed that was how things worked those days though. “Um…yeah that sounds good.”

            “It’ll pay better so you won’t have to work at the bar anymore. Or you could if you still wanted to. You just wouldn’t have to work as many shifts.” He explained. “And you won’t have to deal with your boss anymore.”

            “I don’t know what to say,” I said quietly, looking at him in awe.

            “Don’t feel like you’re obligated to do it. I just,” He sighed and tucked my hair behind my ears. “I want to make life as easy as I possibly can for you. You don’t deserve to live paycheck to paycheck and worry about rent. But I also don’t want to give you everything and make it seem like I don’t think you’re capable.”

            “No, I know.” I nodded and reached for his hands. I took a deep breath, prepared to tell him my story, something I didn’t disclose to anyone. “My mom had me when she was seventeen. She was addicted to drugs and found a guy who pretended to care about her. Then she got pregnant with me and he abandoned her. She got sober and gave birth to me. But she didn’t even last more than a month before she relapsed and went back to the streets.”

            Sebastian didn’t interrupt me. He held my hands firmly, letting me know he was right there for me.

            “My abuela and abuelo raised me until I was three. Then my mom got pregnant again with my sister. She came to live with us and started going to church. She sobered up and she’s been there for us ever since.” I swallowed and cleared my throat. “I love my mom. She’s so strong despite everything she went through. And she told us to never rely on anyone or anything. We needed to work hard to succeed in life. But when I was growing up I felt like Erica was the better child. I didn’t hold anything against her; I’ve always loved my sister more than life. But my mother wasn’t able to get off drugs after I was born. She only did that after Erica.” I looked down at our interlocked hands. “She never favored either one of us, she saw potential in us both. But Erica always reached higher than I did. When I was a teenager and I started getting panic attacks, I just wanted to…go off the deep end. Just like my mother did. I felt I had the right to because she abandoned me to do whatever she wanted. I would show her what it felt like.” Tears formed in my eyes. It wasn’t strange, it always happened when I thought about the worst years of my life. “I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to be scared of every little thing in this world. I just wanted to be numb. Then I was the first person in my family to be accepted into college. It felt like maybe there was a reason I was here and a reason I had anxiety. I wouldn’t be a star director like Erica but there was something else I could do.” I shrugged.

            Sebastian gently dabbed the tears from my cheeks. “There is a reason you’re here.” He whispered. “There’s a reason for everyone’s existence. Sofia, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve come across. I knew that when I first met you. I know you think you come off timid and scared but that’s not true. When we spent time together in St. Martin, I saw someone who had a deeper understanding of herself and the world around her. You weren’t self-consumed like half the population. You’re extremely sensitive and maybe it’s a curse sometimes but I also think it can be a gift. You care so much for others and I’m so damn lucky I get to be one of those people.” He murmured and smiled slightly. “I don’t know if I believe in fate or a greater being, but you’re here for a reason and we met for a reason. I just can’t wait to find out what that reason is. Maybe we won’t find out for months or even years. But I’m willing to wait.”

            I bit my lip and leaned forward to rest closer in his arms. “I already know one reason. You ground me…you make me feel calmer. I feel so safe around you.”

            He let go of my hands to wrap his arms around me, tightly holding me. “Good. I know I can’t make everything perfect for you but if I can give you some sort of peace then I’m happy.”

            I tucked myself into the crook of his arms and closed my eyes. For the short amount of time I’d known him, it was already clear he was my everything.


	13. Chapter 13

            Once the holidays were over, Sebastian set me up with the interview for the job.

            I looked over at him in the elevator of the high-end building. I wrung my hands together and shifted my weight back and forth on the balls of my feet.

            Sebastian touched my hands. “Are you nervous?”

            “I’m alright,” I assured him. “It’s just the lead-up, you know? I usually do fine during interviews.”

            “He’s pretty laid back so there’s no need to worry.” He murmured as the doors of the elevator opened. We walked up to the office door and had to be buzzed in by a secretary.

            “Sebastian Stan!” A tall man in a perfectly tailored suit walked over to meet us by the reception desk.

            “Harry, it’s good to see you.” My boyfriend shook his hand.

            “And this must be our new little ray of sunshine in the office, Sofia.” He turned his attention to me with a smile that reminded me of a shark. Even his eyes were dead like one. But he oozed charisma, nonetheless, a true businessman through and through.

            I shook his hand but was slightly thrown off. “It’s nice to meet you. But I thought I was here for an interview to start off…”

            “Oh, no worries.” He brushed it off as he let go of my hand. What’s a little favor between friends? And of course, by looking at you, you’d fit in perfectly here.”

            My entire body sent off mini alarms to my brain. I wanted to politely decline the offer and leave. I still had my old job to fall back on. Then I looked over at Sebastian. He had given me this opportunity to help me out. I felt terrible at the idea of throwing it all away. I was probably just a little uncomfortable because of the new surroundings. If Sebastian trusted Harry and said he was a good guy, then there was no reason not to believe that. I was well aware that my anxiety filled mind liked to blow things out of proportion.

            “That’s great to hear, thank you, man.” Sebastian smiled proudly. “She’s the best.”

            “I’m sure she is.”

 

            My first week on the new job, Sebastian was traveling. He called me on my first day as I walked into the office.

            “I can’t wait to hear how it went. Call me tonight when you’re heading home.”

            “Okay.” I nodded and used my new keycard to swipe past the locked door. “I’ll tell you everything. I love you.”

            “I love you too. Good luck, you’re going to do great.”

            I walked to Harry’s office and knocked softly on the door. He called me in and I opened the door. “Good morning,” I said politely.

            The businessman looked up and sighed. “That smile is going to brighten up my day, I already know it.”

            I didn’t think it was appropriate for him to comment on my smile but he’d already commented on my appearance the first time we met. “Thank you…” I said hesitantly but tried to remain positive. “So, is there someone who can kind of show me around the office?” I wondered, hoping to get my bearings to feel more comfortable.

            “Sure, sure, I’ll have Francesca help you out. I was thinking we could get lunch together though, my treat. Sort of a, ‘welcome to the office’.”

            “Oh, that’s okay. I brought lunch from home. Maybe when Sebastian gets home we can go out to dinner.” I suggested. Maybe it was wise to continue to mention Sebastian.

            “Another time then.” He didn’t seem too phased by the name drop of his friend. “Before I forget, this is yours now.” He stood up to hand me a gold credit card. “Company issued but feel free to spend it on whatever you want. Some nice clothing, whatever you decide.” He smiled and I felt my jaw tighten.

            “Thank you,” I said quietly and stuffed the card into my purse, vowing never to use it. I didn’t want Harry to think I owed him anything for giving me unlimited spending.

            “Sebastian has told me a lot about you.” He sat back down behind his desk. “Rest assured, Sofia, this isn’t just a job. Anything you want, you can have.”

            The amount of discomfort I had was immeasurable. I was waiting for him to laugh and say he was kidding and treat me like a normal human being.”

            “Well, first thing’s first, I’ll let Francesca show you around the office.” He said. “She’s down the hall at the front desk.”

            I nodded slowly and made a beeline for the door, eager to get out of his office as soon as I could. I walked down the hallway, avoiding businessmen talking on the phone or hustling past me.

            “Hi, Francesca, right?” I asked.

            The woman around my age turned around and smiled. “Yeah, hi, you must be Sofia.” She stood up and shook my hand.

            “Nice to meet you.” She seemed genuinely nice and it was a massive relief. “Harry said you could show me around the office just to get me familiar.”

            She nodded. “Sure thing.” She walked from around the desk.

            We walked side by side down the hallway. Francesca seemed to hold her ground a little more, letting the men around the office run into her instead of moving aside for them.

            “You’re in for a treat with Harry.” She revealed after a few minutes. “Just make sure he respects your boundaries. Not a lot of women last as his assistant. But of course, he never gets in trouble.”

            My blood ran cold. Even though I’d witnessed his behavior already I was afraid it could escalate beyond my control. For a moment, I wondered what I was getting myself into. I could just quit and go home. But the reminder of Sebastian flashed in my mind. Why was my boyfriend friends with someone like this? It was baffling because I knew Sebastian didn’t associate with fake people let alone predatory people.

            “My boyfriend said he was a friend, I just wanted to take the job opportunity,” I explained.

            “Mhm…well, just talk to me if anything happens. He doesn’t fuck with me because he knows my uncle is a damn good lawyer and once I was done I’d own half of the company. Plus, I’d knee him in the balls before I let him even look at me funny.”

            I smiled weakly. I liked her attitude and only wished I could have her strength. “Well, thank you. I’m sure I’ll be okay.” Maybe if Sebastian was aware then he could stick up for me more. I wasn’t a confrontational person by nature. I didn’t want to let Harry think he could take advantage of me but I was often prone to give that impression. Sometimes, it happened anyways. There were many times when patrons at the bar decided I was an easy target. I was lucky to have coworkers to kick them out. But if I was alone with Harry on a daily basis, I was scared I would be perfect prey for him. My stomach churned as I tried to listen to Francesca explain some things. But I just wanted to go home and curl up in Sebastian’s arms. But he was hundreds of miles away and I felt so alone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: sexual harassment, assault, non-con touching

            “Hey, baby, how was work?” Sebastian’s voice was full of joy as he answered my phone call.

            I walked up the subway steps to the street. I wasn’t going to my apartment though. “It was alright.” I tried to stay optimistic but was too tired to. My emotions and discomfort had worn me out. There were so many moments during the day that I wanted to just up and leave the office. But I couldn’t. I wanted to make Sebastian proud. “Hey, uh, can I stay at your place for the night?” I wondered.

            “Yeah of course. I should have some food or call some takeout, I’ll pay for it. Feel free to use anything you know how to work the TV right?”

            “Yeah, yeah, I do.” I walked to his building and entered the elevator. “Thank you.”

            “Is everything okay?” He seemed to pick up on the undertones in my voice.

            “Of course, I’m just tired.” I faked a yawn.

            “Alright…you’d tell me if something was bothering you right?” He clarified.

            I placed a hand over my mouth for a moment and fought back tears in the empty elevator. I swallowed the tears and forced out a calm voice. “You know I would.” I hated lying to him.

            “Well…I miss you.” He said gently.

            “I miss you too.” I inhaled shakily and got off on Sebastian’s floor, taking out the spare key he had given me.

            “Just another week and I’ll be home. We’ll have a nice dinner to celebrate the job.”

            “Okay.” My stomach turned at the idea of going to work the next day and the day after that. I could only imagine that Harry would continue to push me, testing the waters to see what I would put up with and taking advantage of me. I knew men like him. He was a predator.

 

            I curled up in Sebastian’s bed, feeling so many emotions rise when I inhaled his familiar scent. My heart physically hurt.

            My phone buzzed and I lifted it to read the message coming in.

            _Harry: See you tomorrow. Wear something nice for me._

            That was the last straw. I burst into tears and threw my phone off the bed. I buried my face in Sebastian’s pillow and cried myself to sleep.

 

            The next few days passed without too much incident. I ignored Harry’s sly comments and threw myself into the work. I stuck close to Francesca when I could and managed to avoid Harry’s advances and propositions at every turn. I counted down the days until Sebastian would touch down in New York and when I could feel safe again.

 

            Erica flew out from Los Angeles to visit me. She, Noah, and Adriana stayed in a hotel near my apartment even though I spent most of my nights at Sebastian’s. When he came home, he didn’t seem to notice anything was off. I was pretty good at hiding my feelings from nearly three decades of experience.

            Erica was in Manhattan just for that reason, to celebrate my upcoming thirtieth birthday. Unbeknownst to me she and Sebastian were in cahoots planning the party. Since I had been feeling a little more comfortable with other people, thanks to my new relationship, I allowed Erica to throw me a party. I expected her to go overboard though and tried to prepare myself for that.

            Since I started my new job, my comfort in social situations was starting to decline. I felt dirty, almost as if people who passed me in the street would instantly know that I was allowing my boss to make passes at me every day. My boyfriend didn’t know and in my mind, I was betraying his trust even if I wasn’t asking for attention from Harry.

            As my birthday approached, Sebastian started to pick up on little changes. I would visibly jump if he touched me without warning. I was flip-flopping between being extra clingy or intensely distant. One moment I didn’t want Sebastian to get out of bed and go to the gym in the morning, the next I was holed up in my apartment not answering his texts. I knew it wasn’t fair to him but I couldn’t take care of my own needs, let alone even think of his. There were nights that I stayed up awake listening to his breathing as I thought about cutting him loose. The familiar thoughts of him being better off kept creeping back into my head. But that still wouldn’t solve my problem with Harry. If anything, it would make it worse because he would see I was single and an even easier target.

            It all came to a head the night of my birthday party. Erica rented out an upscale restaurant and invited my friends from university, work, Sebastian’s friends, and some of her friends that were in New York too. I didn’t even want to ask how long the guest list was but Sebastian assured me the venue was spacious so it wouldn’t make me feel overcrowded.

            I knew Erica and him wanted to be sympathetic to my social anxiety but they seemed to have gotten a little carried away in the excitement. What they thought I deserved for a party wasn’t really my idea of fun. But I didn’t want to ruin that for them.

 

            “Are you excited?” Sebastian held my hand as we walked to the bar. Thankfully, the frigid winter chill was starting to thaw as Mid-March arrived. I still wore my scarf, I had a hard time thinking I wouldn’t wear it during the summer too simply because I loved it so much.

            “Yeah…” I nodded and tried to look thrilled even if I was feeling anxious. I tugged at the hem of my dress. “You sure I look nice enough?” I had settled on a simple, black cocktail dress. My sister had wanted a black tie event but I had to rein her in a little.

            He was decked out in a blue button-down shirt and dress pants. “Yeah, of course. You look beautiful.”

            I smiled weakly and squeezed his hand.

            Sebastian stopped and opened the door to the restaurant for me.

            “There’s the birthday girl!” My sister squealed and ran over to hug me tightly. “And her handsome man!”

            Sebastian chuckled. “Nice to see you, Erica. Noah, how are you?” He shook her husband’s hand.

            “Good, Erica’s really set up some party.” He smiled.

            “My sister deserves it. She’s been doing so well and I’m so proud of her.” Her eyes shined in the dim lights of the upscale bar. “Alright, so we made you a signature drink and it’s amazing. There’s a patio upstairs with a fire pit and it’s beautiful. I want to let everyone know you’re here though.”

            “Oh, Erica I…” I felt my introverted-self cringing at the idea but I couldn’t pull away from my sister’s grip.

            She led me through the crowd of people on the dance floor and by the bar. There was a small stage where a band was taking a break between songs. Erica stepped up and grabbed a microphone.

            “The thirty-year-old has finally arrived!” She announced.

            My face went red as the party acknowledged me. Francesca, who already seemed tipsy wolf-whistled at me. “Alright, alright, thank you.” I looked around for Sebastian who I’d lost when Erica pulled me away.

            “Let me get you a drink,” Erica said over the music that started up again.

            “Okay.” I nodded as I stood up on my tiptoes to find Sebastian. Finally, I spotted him standing near the windows with a beer in his hand. He was talking to…Harry? My blood went ice cold as I saw my boss standing there. I hadn’t had any say in the guest list, I was confident Sebastian and Erica had a hold of it. But I didn’t realize Sebastian would probably invite Harry.

            I felt glued to the floor. I didn’t want to go over there but I wasn’t sure where else to go at my own party. There were a few people I recognized but they were all busy talking to someone else. So I bit my tongue and walked over to Sebastian.

            A few people wished me a happy birthday as I walked by. I smiled and thanked them but my mind was completely in another place.

            “There she is.” Harry looked like a cat that had swallowed a bird whole when he saw me. It made me physically sick when I realized I was starting to get used to how he looked at me. “Happy birthday, darling.”

            I glanced over at Sebastian but he was still so clueless to see what was going on. “Thank you,” I said quietly.

            “Harry and I were talking about how well everything’s going.” Sebastian looked so happy, oblivious to the discomfort I was feeling.

            “I told him how you were exactly what I was looking for, the perfect assistant,” Harry smirked and gave me a once over.

            I felt so uncomfortable I was worried I would throw up if I opened my mouth.

            “She’s the best.” Sebastian agreed and wrapped an arm around me.

            “Very professional.” Harry laughed. “Hopefully she’ll get more comfortable around the office so we can get to know each other better.”

            That was too much for me to take.

            Thankfully, my sister popped up with Noah. “I don’t know, Sebastian and I should probably have a little side business for party planning. We nailed this thing, don’t you think, sis?” She went to hand me a fruity looking drink.

            I forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, it’s perfect. I’m just going to use the bathroom. Where is it?” I asked her.

            “Upstairs and down the hall to the right.” She pointed to the stairs. “I’ll hold onto your drink.”

            “Great, thanks.” I made a hasty retreat and went upstairs. It was a little quieter; most people were out on the patio around the fire. I spotted some of Sebastian’s costars. If I had been the in the right state of mind, I would’ve been more star struck. But I felt like I was going to throw up or faint or both. I walked unsteadily down the hallway and locked myself in the bathroom. The room seemed to spin as I tried to get a grip. But I could only hear Harry’s words echoing in my head.

            “ _Five things. Just tell me five things you see.”_ Sebastian’s soothing voice pushed through the haze.

            I took a sobbing inhale and opened my eyes.

            The mirror.

            The lights.

            The tile.

            The soap dispenser.

            The sink.

            “ _Now four things you can feel.”_

            My body trembled as I hugged myself tightly and tried to listen to Sebastian’s instructions.

            My hands.

            My necklace.

            My heels.

            My dress.

            _“Three things you can hear.”_

            The muffled music from downstairs.

            People talking outside.

            My heartbeat in my ears.

            “ _Two things you can smell.”_

The air freshener in the corner.

            Sebastian’s cologne lingering on my dress.

_“Last thing, what’s one thing you can taste?”_

            The gum I’d chewed on the way to the party.

            My heartbeat slowly started to return to normal and my head was starting to clear. I took a few deep breaths before checking my makeup in the mirror and opening the door. All the work I had done to avoid a panic attack flew right out the window when I saw who was waiting in the hall.

            Harry leaned up against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest; the same cocky look on his face, and hunger in his eyes. “You feeling alright, beautiful?”

            My lower lip trembled and I looked for the quickest exit. “I’m fine, thanks.” I put my eyes to the ground and went to walk back to the party. “Excuse me…”

            “Whoa, whoa, it’s okay. We’re alone up here.” He grabbed my wrist forcefully and drew me back towards him.

            My entire body froze up and I couldn’t think. He was a lot stronger than me and I found myself pinned up against the wall.

            “You can’t expect me to keep my hands to myself with you looking like this. You should dress like this for work.” He purred and leaned in.

            Tears started to flow down my cheeks and I tried to turn away. I closed my eyes and pretended like I was far away from the club. I was back on the beach with Sebastian in St. Martin. Somewhere Harry couldn’t get to me.

            But he was hard to ignore as he grabbed my hips and forced me closer to him. “Aw, c’mon, angel, there’s no need to cry.” I tensed up more when he dragged a hand across my cheek to wipe away my tears. “Although I must admit, I like when they cry. My last assistant was so pretty when she cried. Too bad she slipped away from me. At least now I have you,” his voice started to change. His tone deepened almost to a growl. “I’m not going to let you slip away.”

            I whimpered and opened my mouth to scream. Although I wasn’t sure anyone would hear me over the music.

            Harry pressed his hand to my mouth and leaned close to my ear. “Sh, sh, sh…we don’t want Sebastian knowing. How disappointed he would be if you lost the job he worked so hard to get you? Oh, the things I could tell him. He’d leave you in no time and you wouldn’t have anyone.” He tutted his tongue and chuckled darkly. “No, it’s just best you let me have what I want and keep your pretty mouth shut when I let you go home to him. That is…if I decide to let you go. I might keep you.” He lowered his lips to my neck and kissed me a few times before biting into my skin and making a glaring mark right under my earlobe.

           Every nerve in my body frayed and I screamed helplessly against his palm.

            “What the fuck is going on?”

            I had never been so grateful to hear my sister’s angry shout. I opened my eyes to see Erica standing in the hallway with Noah behind her.

            Harry pulled away from me. He seemed a little thrown off guard but nevertheless had something lined up to say. I was sure he’d gotten caught before but managed to slither his way out of trouble.

            But he wouldn’t have such an easy time with my sister.

            “I’m so sorry you had to find out like this.” He looked pleased with himself. “But I guess the affair would come out eventually.”

            “Bull _shit.”_ My sister snarled and stormed over to pull me away from him. “My sister would never cheat on anyone.”

            “Oh, you’re so sure?”

            I crumbled so easily when my sister hugged me close. I burst into tears and clung to her like when she used to have nightmares as a little kid.

            “Listen, you fucking piece of shit.” My sister’s voice spat out venom. “If I ever see you touching my sister again, you’re going to wake up with no hands. Do I make myself clear?”

            Harry looked like he had never been spoken to in such a way before. “You think you can threaten me?” His eyes clouded over in fury. “I own this city. I could have your whole family deported.”

            “Oh, racist on top of being a rapist?” Erica wasn’t fazed by the threat. “I was born here, idiot, I’d like to see you try. Now get out of my sight.”

            Noah forcefully grabbed Harry to lead him out of the club.

            I fell to my knees and felt like my heart was coming up my throat. Erica knelt beside me and held me close. “Sh, it’s okay. He’ll never touch you again, I promise.” She smoothed my hair back and rubbed my back. “You’re safe.”

            A few moments later, as my sister was trying to calm me down, Sebastian came upstairs. “Hey, what happened?” He ran down the hall to me.

            My sister let go of me and stood between him and I. “I’ll tell you what happened.” It appeared her anger wasn’t gone. “You let my sister go and work for a fucking sexual predator!” She shouted. “You handed her over to him like she was some piece of meat!”

            “Wh-what are you talking about? Sofia, are you okay?” Sebastian sounded shaken from Erica’s verbal attack.

            “Don’t talk to her, you don’t deserve to comfort her after what you put her through!” Erica refused to let him by. “You sat around feeling so good about yourself that you got her this job that you were too stupid to realize what was going on!”

            “Erica, he didn’t know.” I hiccupped and got to my feet.

            “I didn’t know anything, what happened?” Sebastian demanded.

            “Lucky for you I stopped him from having his way with _my_ sister! Where were you? Why weren’t you protecting her like you’re supposed to?” She clenched her fists together.

            Sebastian looked lost for words. “S-Sofia…”

            I felt too dirty and ashamed to even look at him. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

            “You shouldn’t have had to tell him. He should’ve realized.” Erica snapped.

            “How is that fair? I had no idea. If I had I would’ve done something about it!”

            “Don’t you _dare_ raise your voice at me!” Erica’s rage boiled over.

            “Hey, hey!” Noah returned upstairs and went to guide my sister away from Sebastian. “Just take a deep breath.”

            “Erica, please…” I begged. “Just give us a minute.”

            My sister looked ready to pounce on Sebastian but she reluctantly let Noah pull her away and give us space.

            Sebastian rushed over to me. “Tell me what happened.”

            I couldn’t raise my eyes from the floor.

            “Sofia, please.” He begged helplessly. “You need to tell me what happened. What has been going on?” His voice broke as he touched my cheek.

            I flinched away from him, turning my head.

            Sebastian saw the mark Harry had left on my neck. “Did he do this to you?” The same amount of anger Erica had started to seep through his voice.

            I couldn’t answer, instead, I just cried harder. “I’m sorry.” I sobbed.

            There was a pause in the air before he spoke. “I’m going to kill him.” He snarled.

            “No!” I cried and grabbed his arm. “Please…” I felt too emotionally drained to even stand. It was like Harry had taken my very soul from me. “Please just stay with me.”

            Sebastian was shaking with anger but enveloped me in his arms. He held me tightly as I tried to get a hold of myself after what had happened. I didn’t think the world could take another piece of me, but it just had.


	15. Chapter 15

            Sebastian brought me home; leaving the party in full swing without anyone else realizing what had happened. My sister protested, saying Sebastian didn’t deserve me and going on a tirade about how he had let this happen. But I told her I wanted to go with him and I would call her in the morning.

            I was still shaking by the time we got back to his apartment. He brought me a change of clothes, a pair of my leggings with one of his shirts. I was scared to look in the mirror after I got changed. I didn’t want to see the mark that Harry had left on my neck.

            Sebastian offered to make me something to eat but I felt too nauseous. Instead, I curled up on the couch, holding my knees close to my chest.

            He came to sit next to me. “Can I see?” He whispered quietly. I could still hear the anger in his voice but it was clear he was trying to hide it for my sake.

            I tilted my neck to the side to let him see the bite. “I’m going to take a picture for the police.” He explained as he raised his phone to snap a photo. “I’ll go in tomorrow to talk to them. You can come with me.”

            “No, Sebastian, I don’t want to do that.” I shook my head. “We don’t need to involve the police.”

            “Sofia, he assaulted you. He needs to be locked up!” Sebastian said urgently as he pocketed his phone again.

            “Francesca said he’s got good lawyers, it’s no use going through a legal battle with him. I don’t think I could handle it.”

            Sebastian swallowed and took a deep breath. “He could do this to others.” He pointed out.

            “He already has. Doesn’t mean we can stop him. He’s just one of those guys who can do whatever he wants and get away with it.” I hesitated to even say his name.

            “Then I’ll make sure people know.”

            “What are you talking about?” I asked and looked over at him.

            “I’ll contact employees, I’ll talk to the board of the company, and I’ll make sure his name is plastered over social media. Sofia, this needs to end. I understand you don’t want to go to the police but you need some sort of justice. Erica was right…I didn’t protect you.” His voice went weak.

            “I didn’t tell you, how were you supposed to know?” Of course, there were warning signs but I still felt guilty.

            He ran a hand over his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He looked close to tears as he captured my eyes. “I’m not…I’m not blaming you or saying this is your fault. I just thought you would be able to tell me something like this. If I’ve done anything wrong or made it seem like you can’t tell me stuff then please I need to know.”

            I bit my lip. “I wanted to tell you.” My voice faltered as I tried to keep my composure. “I wanted to so many times. But I was afraid that you wouldn’t believe me. And I didn’t want to lose the job that you’d gotten me. You’ve done so much for me, I didn’t want to throw it back in your face.”

            “Sofia.” He touched my cheek gently. His thumb traced over my cheekbone and down to my jaw. “You’re worth more to me than a stupid job. I would much rather you live with me and be happy than suffer under some lunatic.”

            “I know.” I started to cry again. My throat was already hoarse from sobbing. “I know, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”

            “You don’t need to apologize.” Sebastian drew me into his arms and held me close. His hand rubbed over my back slowly as I cried. “You’re worth more than anything in the world. After I fell for you, nothing else mattered. I would give up anything and everything for you. My pride is worth nothing compared to you. Please believe that.” He pled.

            “I can’t.” I couldn’t hold back anymore. Harry had brought up so many emotions of feeling like the worthless woman I believed I was. The little girl who was abandoned by her mother and learned to let people walk all over her and never say a word about it. He reminded me that I wasn’t as special as Sebastian made me feel. “I’m not anything, Sebastian. I’m not valuable. The world is going to keep spinning without me.”

            “Sofia, that’s enough.” He replied firmly. “You know that’s not true. Everyone else who’s told you that is a liar. When have I ever lied to you?”

            “You’re lying to me right now!” I exclaimed.

            “No, I’m not. I don’t know how else to convince you. But you can’t believe what that…that fucking rapist told you.” Sebastian stood up to pace furiously. “He doesn’t know you like I do. He looked at you like some sort of-of object and took advantage of you like a sick monster.” He finally sat on the edge of the coffee table with his head in his hands. “Erica was right, I just handed you over to him. I should’ve realized. I can’t believe I was friends with him.”

            I leaned over and touched his knee. “I was the one who let it happen.”

            “No, you’re the victim. You have no blame in this.” He looked up.

            “Well, neither do you.”

            We just looked at each other for a moment. Guilt hung between us in the air even if neither of us deserved to feel that way. It was likely Harry, the only one who deserved it, wouldn’t feel guilty. He would just move onto another victim.

            I wrung my hands together. “I don’t want you to ruin your reputation,” I spoke up.

            “That doesn’t matter.” He shook his head. “I don’t care what he does to me. If he wants a fight then I’ll bring him one.” His hands clenched into fists.

            “Whatever you do, keep in mind that you can’t get in trouble.” I probably wouldn’t have mind seeing Harry roughened up a bit but not if it meant Sebastian would get arrested.

            His jaw tightened but he nodded. “Okay.” He finally agreed and took my hands into his. “I love you. I’m just glad we stopped it from going further.” He paused. “Nothing else happened, did it?”

            I shook my head. “That was the first time he really got physical.” Even saying something so vague made my throat tighten and my stomach turn. It was a wonder I wasn’t in a perpetual state of panic at that moment. But Sebastian’s presence, although he was tense, calmed me down. I felt safe again knowing I wouldn’t have to be near Harry again.

            “Good.” He sighed in relief and kissed my hands. “Still not hungry? I could make you something light. There’s cereal too, maybe just a sandwich?”

            I shook my head. “I’m fine, thank you. I just want to go to bed.”

            “Alright.” He stood up and scooped me up into his arms protectively.

            There was a sinking feeling in my gut that this situation wasn’t over. But at least now people knew. I wouldn’t have to live in silence.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally so proud for every assault victim who has the courage to speak out. This is 2018/2019 we don't protect abusers anymore. That's old news, we turn up the volume for victims so people don't get to live their perfect lives without facing consequences for their disgusting behavior. They don't get to live comfortably if abuse victims have to live with their experience every day. #metoo

            After my birthday, I felt like I was in a holding stage. I wanted to just get over the experience but of course, that wasn’t an option. I had to work through it or I would never heal. It was extremely lucky that I had Sebastian by my side as I did that. For the first few days, I was hesitant to even leave his apartment. I could see the pain in his eyes when he saw me flinch or hug myself close to ground myself.

            Sebastian carried the burden of guilt that he had introduced me to Harry. The last thing I wanted him to do was to feel guilty for something he didn’t do. Erica was still upset with him but I assured him I didn’t blame him.

            Erica urged me to press charges but I was so afraid of what Harry could do. Not to mention Sebastian’s career and reputation could be put on the line. I confided in Francesca about what happened. She said I probably wouldn’t fare well in court against Harry’s team of lawyers. He’d already gotten away with so much and I wouldn’t be any different. I was just another tally to him.

            But Francesca was fed up with her boss’s behavior. About a week later, Erica sent me a post that was starting to circulate around social media.

            It was Francesca’s Instagram account, with a fair amount of followers. She went on a tirade, exposing Harry for all he was. She mentioned the attack but left me nameless. She said she was quitting and if Harry wanted to sue her, she would fight him every inch of the way until she spread his face around the world as a rapist. She urged people to share it and make sure no one else would be victimized by the soulless man. 

            I burst into tears when I read the post. She was standing up for all of Harry’s victims, including me. Sebastian held me close as I cried. I was so happy someone was calling him out but I was so worried about the consequences Francesca would face. She put her life and career on the line to blow the whistle on the whole situation. When we talked, she assured me that she could handle the backlash. In fact, she told me she felt guilty she hadn't done it sooner. Now Harry's name was splotched across the internet and people were starting to speak out with their experiences. #Metoo. It was so powerful to take him down despite how long he'd spent in his fortress of legal support, wealth, and reputation. No more. No one would stand for it.

 

            It was encouraging to see the deterioration of Harry's spotless status but that didn't erase my experience or pain. The mark on my neck healed faster than my mental state. Sebastian had to coach me through several panic attacks, some during the middle of the night when I woke up from a vivid nightmare of the assault.

            But he never complained once. He looked tired but was quick to help me any time I needed him.

 

            One night, I woke up screaming in a cold sweat. I shocked Sebastian awake as he blindly reached for me. It seemed like he was getting used to the alarming midnight nightmares. He'd been sleeping more lightly, just waiting to wake up if I needed his comfort. 

            “Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re safe, you’re with me.” He soothed and enveloped me in his arms. Terrified and confused, I violently fought against his hold. He withdrew and waited for me to realize where I was. “Just try to breathe.” He said steadily.

            I puffed out a few shallow breaths as I reacquainted myself with reality. “Sebastian?”

            “Yeah, baby, I’m here.” He reached over to turn on the lamp on his nightstand. The warm glow comforted me and chased away the nightmare. I clung to him tightly, inhaling his comforting scent and taking deeper breaths.

            He rubbed my back and kissed my hair. “You’re safe. I promise you’re safe.” He murmured while I trembled in his embrace.

            “Why can’t I forget it?” I whimpered and tears pressed between my cheeks and his t-shirt.

            “I wish I could help you forget, _draga mea.”_ Sadness and grief laced his voice. “If I could take the pain from you, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would take your place so you didn’t have to suffer through this.” He whispered.

            I continued to cry against his chest, keeping his shirt fisted in my hands just in case he moved even a centimeter away from me. “I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. I’m so scared.”    

            “You’re so strong, Sof, you keep getting through all this and I’m so proud of you.” He gently combed through my hair with his fingers. His hands shook slightly as he went through the repetitive motions to soothe us both. I knew my distress shook him up. It was never easy to see someone you loved in so much inner turmoil. “We’re just going to take it one day at a time. Even one second at a time if we have to. And you don’t have to do it alone. Give me the hurt.” He pled and sounded close to tears too. “Just give it to me, Sofia.”

           


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part is a tribute to my neglect of Sebastian because of Tom fucking Hardy. But I'll always return to our Romanian puppy.

 

            One night, Sebastian and I were curled up on the couch. The movie we had been watching was starting to roll the credits. I yawned and nuzzled his neck. “He's such a great actor, I love Tom Hardy,” I said and stretched my legs. 

            “More than me?” He gasped and pretended to look devastated.

            “Oh hush.” I rolled my eyes. “He’s married and I’m your girlfriend, silly. Carry me to bed please?”

            “Funny, you _know_ he’s married. Like you’ve looked it up before.” He scooped me up in his arms.

            “You know I love you, right?” I looped my arms around his neck. The blanket we’d been using fell to the floor.

            “Mhm…” He feigned giving me the cold shoulder. “So I got some news from my agent today.” He told me.

            “What? I new role?”

            “No, she wants me to do some events to promote Avengers.” He walked into the bedroom, nudging the door closed with his hop.

            “So does that mean like interviews?” It had been a while since Sebastian and I talked about his career. He never brought it up after leaving to film while I was working for Harry.

            “Yeah, but also a convention and the premiere.” He set me down on the bed and sat beside me.

            Anxiety dropped like a ten-pound weight into my stomach. The thought of being without him for another stretch of time made me want to cry. But I couldn’t be clingy or reliant on him. I could survive without him for a bit. It was just a matter of dealing with my anxiety. It was all about coping.

            “Okay.” I nodded slowly.

            Sebastian seemed concerned even after I responded. “I don’t have to go.”

            I sighed. “Why do you always give me what I want?”

            He tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

            “You never argue with me.”

            “I don’t want to argue with you. Do you want to argue with me?”

            I rested back against the pillows and tucked my knees to my chest. “No, I’m just afraid you think I’m too delicate,” I explained. “Maybe I am, but you don’t have to act like I’m always right or that I need coddling.”

            He gave an understanding nod and leaned on his side by my feet. He propped himself up with his elbow. “Sorry, I don’t mean to treat you like that.”

            “It’s fine, I don’t think you realize it sometimes.” I shrugged. “You could take some lessons from Erica though.” I smiled slightly. “She’s aware of my anxiety but is honest with me and if we bicker than that’s it. She doesn’t intentionally try to hurt my feelings but she knows that in order to get over my anxiety, sometimes I need to go through uncomfortable things.”

            “I just think you deserve respect.”

            “It’s not about respect.” I leaned forward and poked his chest playfully. “It’s about being in a real relationship. We respect each other.”

            “I love you too much to yell at you.”

            I turned onto my stomach and rested my chin on my hands to look at him. “I don’t think you’re real.”

            He chuckled softly. “D’you know that when I wake up every morning, and you’re beside me, I swear that someone’s left an angel in my bed.” He whispered. “And I wonder what I did to be blessed with that angel. Maybe it was an accident. Or maybe I’m meant to do something for that angel. Sometimes I see that her wings are broken and maybe that’s what I’m meant to do, help her as she heals. But the price I have to pay for my gift is watching her hurt and not being able to heal her myself.”

            I blinked my tears away.

            “But it’ll be okay. I know it will be.”

            I leaned forward the inch separating our faces to kiss him tenderly.

            When we parted, he looked into my eyes. “Will you move in with me?” He asked quietly.

            I swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.” My voice cracked from the emotions I was going through. But they were beautiful emotions that I never wanted to lose.

            He smiled warmly and kissed me again.

 

            A few weeks later, Sebastian and I were on a plane to Chicago. After moving in together, I decided to join him as he went to a convention. He promised I wouldn’t have to face any crowds or rabid fans. I would just spend time with him on his breaks in the back. I was interested in his life beyond New York so I was curious to go.

            The first day, I was a little too anxious to go so I spent the day walking around Chicago. Sebastian texted me when he could and I promised I would go along with him the next day. That night, he arrived at the hotel and collapsed onto the bed in exhaustion. He was out like a light within seconds of hitting the pillow.

            The next morning, I walked beside him as several people and his agent escorted us inside. Sebastian seemed more accustomed to it and was at ease. I was jittery though.

            Before his first wave of photo ops, Sebastian and I spent time together in the area reserved for guests.

            “You sleep well last night?” He asked gently.

            “Yeah, probably not as well as you though.” I teased. “You were snoring like a thunderstorm.”

            He chuckled. “Yeah well, these things can really tire you out.”

            “Well, you care about your fans then.” I shrugged. “You’re willing to do this for them.”

            “They’re the ones who support me so it’s only fair to pay it forward.” He stood up when his agent came into the room. “I’ve gotta go. Be back in an hour or two.” He kissed me softly.

           

            It was a little boring at first, being sanctioned off from the rest of the huge convention. But the last thing I wanted to do was go out into the crowded halls. I wasn’t sure I’d be recognized, but the clogged convention halls were enough of a deterrent. Eventually, I got to talk with a few volunteers and other guests. They were all kind and seemed pretty laid back. Some I recognized from movies or TV shows but I didn’t want to make it obvious and make them uncomfortable.

            But Hayley Atwell was around and I knew she was close to Chris, Sebastian, and Anthony. She talked to me like we were old friends and very welcoming.

            “I read about that awful man in New York. The name sounded familiar, Sebastian knew him didn’t he?” Hayley mentioned.

            “Oh, yeah.” I nodded. “Just barely.” I cleared my throat.

            “People like that are just terrible. At least he was exposed. I heard he’s being charged after people came forward.”

            “Yeah, that’s a good end to it though.” I nodded absent-mindedly. I knew it wasn’t the end though. I’d live with it for the rest of my life.

 

            Sebastian returned and offered to let me hang out backstage as he did his panel. It was a little startling to hear the screams when he walked out. I couldn’t help but laugh a little at the effect he had on so many people just by seeing him.

            He and the moderator fielded a few questions about his new movies. He seemed relaxed and genuine as he engaged with the audience.

            Then one person asked, “There’s been news about that CEO in New York. There have been leaks about your girlfriend worked for him.”

            There was a murmur of displeasure from the question. The moderator raised the microphone. “We’d like to only have questions about Sebastian’s career and movies.”

            Sebastian cleared his throat and shook his head. “It’s alright. I can’t comment on my personal life. But what I can say is that men like him have no place in this world. Their abuse needs to be exposed and he’ll face consequences for what he did. That’s all I’m going to say about it.”

            I hugged myself and closed my eyes for a moment. I never wanted to put Sebastian in that position. Having to answer for something he had nothing to do with. But there wasn’t anything else I could do. I couldn’t censor people talking about it. I could only handle it as best I could and hoped it wouldn’t hurt Sebastian’s reputation.

            “Are you going to marry your girlfriend? Will we get to know more about her?” Someone else asked.

            Sebastian laughed as the moderator looked perplexed after already establishing the rules of the panel. “Last question about my personal life. Sofia deserves her privacy and if she wants to make public appearances with me, she will. But for now, we’d like to keep our relationship out of Hollywood. As for marrying her, I’d have to ask her first. But I don’t see myself married to anyone else.”

            My lips parted in shock and I felt a mix of surprise, confusion, and excitement. He wanted to marry me? Why? I knew our relationship was serious but…he really wanted to be married to someone like me?


	18. Chapter 18

            “Would you go away with me?” Sebastian asked.

            I was sorting through my clothes on the floor of our walk-in closet. I dreamed of having one after watching movies with lavish walk-in closets filled with designer clothes. Ours wasn’t super fancy, just a bigger closet than the one I used to have. It was funny to see Sebastian had more clothes than I did. I took up a small corner of the closet near his suits and expensive jackets. Most of mine were work clothes; my prized possession still being the Burberry scarf Sebastian bought me. I didn’t throw away my after-work clothes if they had a little hole, frayed ends, or a stain that even Oxyclean couldn’t get out.

            The first month of living with Sebastian wasn’t exactly easy. I was still looking for a job but my anxiety was holding me back. What if I landed myself in another situation like before? I took very few shifts at the bar until finally, the owner said he found someone else. It made me more hesitant to put myself back out there.

            But spending all my time just doing errands and making laps around his apartment was driving me crazy. I kept the place spotless, always made dinner, and tried to keep myself organized.

            Sebastian opened up a credit card for me linking to his bank account. He told me to use it as much as I wanted and for anything I wanted. I’d made a few reluctant purchases to update my wardrobe. I felt a little self conscious walking around his nice apartment in sweatpants I’d had since college and a stretched out t-shirt that had peeling letter decals that spelled out my old summer camp. So I bought some nicer pajamas and even a few lingerie pieces in Sebastian’s favorite colors. But I kept myself on a tight leash. I didn’t want to spend his money simply because _he_ had earned it, not me.

            Sebastian realized the purgatory-like state I was in. He did his best to help, taking me out to dinner, going to see a Broadway show together, and offering to let me redecorate his apartment just for fun. I knew he didn’t want me to go back to work. He was just as scared as I was and he wanted to take care of me.

            “Go away?” I looked up from my little piles of clothes.

            He was lounging on the bed, propped up on his elbows. “Yeah, like a vacation?”

            “Uh…yeah.” I shrugged. “Aren’t you busy?”

            “I’ve got a few free weeks.” He answered and sat up. “It’ll be good to get out of the city.”

            I thought for a second and mindlessly shuffled my clothes around, not really thinking about what I was going to do with them. “Okay. Where were you thinking?”

            “Somewhere warm, a beach maybe?” He offered and folded his hands together between his knees. “Somewhere quiet and romantic?” He smiled.

            It did sound heavenly. “Yeah, okay.” I stood up as I got more into the idea. I walked over to him and stood between his knees.

            He rested his hands on my hips and looked up at me. “We’re going to get out of this rut.” He promised. “You’ll find what you want to do. Anything you need me to do, I will.”

            “I know.” I murmured and kissed his forehead. “But I need to make my own path too.”

            He pulled me closer. “You’re an inspiration to me. Seriously, you amaze me every day.”

            I couldn’t help but smile. “We’ll see if you still think that in a few months.”

            “I know I will.” He leaned up to kiss me.

 

            Sebastian was on a rampage of spoiling me. He’d had a few great years and deserved it but I wasn’t sure I deserved the same.

            He swept me off my feet and flew us to Spain. It was the first time I’d been to Europe and I was excited. Hesitant, but excited.

            He got us a little villa that was detached from the main resort. It was quiet and on the beach.

            It reminded me of how we met in St. Martin. The feeling brought me comfort and it was as if a bubble was keeping the rest of the world at bay.

            We spent lazy days together, soaking up the Spanish sun on the beach, napping in the hammock on the patio, cooling off in the ocean, and staying up all night. We danced at the resort’s bar and got intoxicated off each other’s presence.

            Then, in the middle of the week, Sebastian brought me outside to watch the sunset. We sat on the steps leading to the beach, our feet in the sand. The sky was slowly exploding into hues of red, orange, and yellow. I rested my cheek against Sebastian’s shoulder as I listened to the steady waves and felt the salt air on my tanned face.

            He kissed my forehead and took a deep breath. He had been fidgety all afternoon but I didn’t know why.

            “You okay?” I murmured quietly.

            “Yeah, yeah.” He swallowed and shifted over to crouch down on the sand in front of me. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Sofia…I love you.”

            I smiled. “I know.”

            He let out a small nervous chuckle. “You’re Han Soloing me?”   

            “Well, you’re a young Mark Hamill, remember?”

            He grinned and ducked his head. “This is getting derailed fast. Okay uh…”

            “What is?”

            “Uh…this.” He reached into his back pocket and let one knee rest on the sand. “Sofia Valdez, I love you more than the world itself.”

            My breath caught in my throat when I realized he was on one knee. He was pulling a small box out. He was calling me by my full name. “Sebastian…”

            “I know it’s sudden, believe me. But I bought this when you moved in because I just knew that I-I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else but you.”

            Tears started spilling down my cheeks. “Sebastian…”

            “When we met, I saw someone so perfect for me. You fit so perfectly in my life. I’ve seen you cry and I can’t tell you how hurt that makes me. But I would rather be there for you in the darkest times than be without you. Sofia, I’ll always be there for you. I will never let anyone else hurt you. I promise to make you as comfortable as possible and love you as you deserve.” He spoke in a breathless voice as he popped open the box revealing a gorgeous engagement ring embedded in velvet. “Will you marry me?”

            “Y-you don’t want to marry me,” I whispered and my hands shook as I tried to close the ring box. Overwhelming waves of emotions crashed against my heart.

            “Of course I do, Sofia.” He touched my arm and tried to lift my chin. “I’ve never been so sure about something. Please trust that.”

            “You can’t…you don’t want to-to marry someone like me.” I couldn’t help but sob. I felt jittery as I pulled away from him.

            “Baby, I do!” He laughed softly. “Of course I do. Baby, please, I would never lie to you. If you don’t want to marry me, then you don’t have to.”

            “I want to marry you!” I exclaimed. I was so frustrated by my conflicted emotions. “Sebastian, I want to marry the hell out of you. But you can’t possibly want to deal with me for the rest of your life.”

            “I told you, I would do anything for you. I’ll take on your hurt.” He set the box down to take my cheeks in his hands. “Look at me.”

            I met his eyes and he softly brushed away my tears. “Please marry me.”

            “I’m so torn apart, Sebastian.”

            “I love the person you are. I’d rather you be genuine than some fake person who didn’t love me. But your love is exactly what I want.”

            I swallowed and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Are you sure?”

            “I’ve never been so sure. I want to see you wearing white and walking down that aisle.” He murmured and kissed my cheek.

            I buried my face in his neck and took a few deep breaths. “Okay.”

            “Yeah?” He pulled back to look at me again.

            I nodded and sniffled. “I’m sorry I made you beg.” I laughed sadly.

            He chuckled. “I thought I’d have to beg, I didn’t think I could land a woman like you.” He picked up the box and plucked the ring. “Let’s see if this fits.”

            He slid the diamond on my finger and I stretched out my hand to look at it through my teary eyes.

            “You like it?” He asked hopefully.

            “It’s beautiful, Sebastian.” I held his face in my hands to kiss him, still crying.


	19. Chapter 19

            **_She said yes!_**

            _Actor, Sebastian Stan announced on The Late Late Show with James Corden that he recently proposed to his girlfriend. Many fans speculated that he was engaged after seeing his girlfriend, Sofia Valdez, wearing a ring in a recent Instagram post documenting their time spent in Spain together. The thirty-six-year-old confirmed the rumors about his engagement. “The love of my life agreed to marry me and I’ve felt over the moon since then. I’m pretty sure I’ll be happy for the rest of my life because she said yes.” Stan told Corden on the show. “I’ve never felt this way about someone before. She brings out the best of me.”_

_Valdez is the older sister of accomplished director, Erica Valdez. She met Stan on vacation a little under a year ago. Their fast track romance has been kept under wraps and Stan has shown to be very protective over his new fiancee. “Just because we’re together it doesn’t mean she needs to be subjected to the public like I am. I chose to be an actor but she deserves her privacy.”_

            After our engagement, Sebastian got busy and had to travel a lot. Initially, everything was fine. I got a part-time job as an office administrator and the rest of the time I took classes to get my masters. Sebastian bought me everything but I was starting to feel like he was trying to replace his affection with material things. I didn’t want a car or new clothes; I just wanted him to be home. But it was hard to tell him that because he had to travel for his job and who was I to tell him not to work?

            But after a year of being engaged and Sebastian being gone nearly half the time, I got so overwhelmed with loneliness.

 

            “Hey, babe, sorry I didn’t get your texts until now.”

            It was late one night and I was sitting on our bed. I had my knees tucked against my chest as I leaned against Sebastian’s pillow, which had lost his scent.

            He’d been in Greece going on five weeks now. I was tired of being away from him.

            “That’s okay, it’s not too late there is it?” I asked quietly.

            “Nah, it’s alright. I’m not filming tomorrow so I can sleep in.” He answered.

            I could hear him walking upstairs probably going back to his hotel room. I had just finished dinner but it was around one in the morning in Athens. “Were you out?”

            “Yeah, went with a few friends for drinks.”

            I paused and felt a strange amount of jealousy and possessiveness. There had to be at least a handful of women trying to get his attention. What if he decided he was done with me because he met someone much more interesting?

            “Sof? Are you there?”

            “Yeah, sorry.” I swallowed.

            “Something wrong? You seem upset about something.”

            Something about the way he said that hit a nerve with me. Maybe it was just not expressing how I felt to him for a year. “Yeah, Sebastian I’m upset.” I retorted harshly.

            He seemed taken aback. “Okay…what happened? Are you okay?”

            I knew it wasn’t fair to take it out on him. My abandonment issues were from my childhood and really had nothing to do with him. But I also felt like he wasn’t even thinking about the effect of his traveling had on me. “I’m just feeling lonely.”

            “I’m sorry, baby, I know it’s hard.” He sighed. “I’ll be back in two weeks though and I won’t have to go anywhere for a while.”

            I bit my lip and hugged myself tightly. I’d never felt the need to lash out at him like I did at that moment. Arguments were never a solution to me, I hated when people yelled. But I felt like I had stored away my feelings for too long. They’d bubbled up and Sebastian inadvertently let it all out. “You promised that last time. How can you say that again?”

            “Did you look into adopting a cat or a dog? Remember we talked about doing that? That might help.”

            “I don’t want a fucking cat, Sebastian, I want my fiancee to be home!” I snapped and felt oncoming tears sting my eyes. “Even when you are here you’re still busy. It’s like you don’t even care about me you just throw money at me to try and make me feel better. That doesn’t work, I need you!”

            “Sofia, I’m sorry but this is my career. I know this year’s been tough but I’ve always offered for you to come with me and you say no.” He began to put up his defenses.

            “Because I have my own job, I can’t just go prancing around the world whenever I feel like it. I’m not an actor.”

            “Remember I told you that you didn’t need to work. I’ll take care of you, Sof, that’s not a problem.” He replied steadily but his voice was starting to get a little louder.

            “And I told you that I’m not just going to be a useless trophy wife. I don’t want you acting like I’m a charity case, I told you that from the beginning!”

            He groaned. “Alright, you’re clearly just looking for a fight. How about I call you tomorrow when you calm down?”

            I didn’t think he realized what he was triggering when he let that sentence leave his mouth. “Calm down?” I shouted at him. “I’ve been calmly waiting for you to come home but you seem to be just fine without me. Going out late like and not giving me a second thought?”

            “You don’t think I miss you too? You’re sorely mistaken, Sofia because I miss you like crazy. But I’m being careless because I’m not trying to pick a fight with you over the phone?” He demanded with a humorless laugh. “Look, I’m exhausted. I can’t do this right now.”

            “Oh, I’m so sorry you’re tired because you went out to party. I’m not stupid I know you’re probably glad you don’t have me there.”

            “Seriously? What has gotten into you? How many times have I told you I care about you more than anything in the world?”    

            “Because you don’t act like it!” I cried. “This whole year you’ve just been concerned with your acting and your appearances. You can’t discredit me when I tell you how neglected I feel.” Tears were streaming down my face as all my built up grief was released.

            “I’m sorry but you don’t want to be a part of any of that so yeah, maybe it feels like I have two lives. But you don’t want to come support me so that’s why it feels that way. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

            “You think I don’t support you?” I scoffed. “What because I don’t want to go be photographed? Do you even see the things your fans send me, Sebastian? I had to close my Instagram account last week because of the kinds of comments I was getting. But I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to get upset and worry about me.”

            “Sofia, how am I’m supposed to help you when you don’t tell me anything. I feel like I’m in the dark about everything. It doesn’t matter what it is but you can’t just expect me to be a mind reader!”

            I buried my face in my arms as I cried. My hand fell limp and let my phone rest against the bed. I knew he was right but I was so used to holding in my true feelings because I felt like no one cared enough to listen.

            “Sof? C’mon, just talk to me I don’t want to argue.” I could faintly hear his voice. “Please.” When I didn't answer for a while, he tried again. " _Draga mea,_ are you still there? Please just be honest with me, I can't bear you being so upset." He begged softly. 

            “I told you…I said you wouldn’t want to m-marry me.” I hiccupped. “I was right, you should’ve listened to me.”

            “I’ve never doubted my decision once.”

            I reluctantly lifted my head and brought my phone back to my ear to hear him better. “I’m pathetic.”

            “No, you’re not.” He replied firmly. “Listen to me, I’m sorry I’ve been away so much. But I just need you to be honest with me. You know that nothing bad is going to happen if you tell me how you feel. We can work through this.”

            “I-I just miss you so much.” I sniffled. “I got so used to you being around all the time.”

            “I miss you too, baby, I miss you so much every day. I promise the next two weeks will go by fast. Just please tell me what you’re feeling. I don’t like when you’re having to cope all by yourself.”

            I wiped my eyes and felt like such a clingy girlfriend. “I’m sorry.”

            “Don’t apologize, you don’t have to. I’m just…I want to be the guy who you feel comfortable telling things to. And if I haven’t been then please-I want to change that.”

            I curled up on my side, hugging his pillow close. “It’s not you. I was just taught to deal with things on my own. I’m afraid that I’ll just burden you with everything.”

            “Your feelings aren’t a burden to me.” He replied firmly. “No matter what I’ll always take the time to listen you can count on that.”

            I reached over to turn off the lamp on the nightstand. “You should probably get to bed.” My voice was hoarse after the argument.    

            “I’ll stay up if you need me to.”

            “No that’s okay. Just text me when you wake up, okay?” I asked quietly.

            “Okay, I will. I love you, _draga mea._ Don’t forget that.”

           


	20. Chapter 20

            After the little argument, we did our best to make the last two weeks apart work. Sebastian called and texted regularly and I was honest with my feelings. I told him how lots to people were trying to invade my privacy and it wasn’t doing anything to help my anxiety. Since Erica was my sister, it seemed easier for people to get information about men. I shockingly found my name in an online article listing celebrities who were dating ‘normal’ people.

           

            “’Marvel actor Sebastian Stan has been in the business for years, appearing alongside other notable stars like Nicole Kidman, Matt Damon, Margot Robbie, and Meryl Streep. The Romanian native recently announced his engagement to the sister of acclaimed director, Erica Valdez. Sofia Valdez now lives with Stan in New York but has remained out of the public eye despite her fiancée’s career.’ I mean do they want me to just suddenly become an actress because I’m going to marry you?” I huffed over the phone after reading the article excerpt.

            “It’s just a trashy gossip site. They want drama.” Sebastian assured me.

            “Yeah, I’m sure they’d love to hear that you’ve run off with my sister and in revenge, I got with Noah,” I replied sarcastically.

            “A scandal for sure.” He chuckled and sighed. “Just try to take it as a grain of salt. No one else has a say in our relationship.”

            “They feel like they do,” I mumbled and finished folding a load of laundry. Setting each neat pile on the bed.

            “How’s everything else going?” He gently steered me away from the article.

            “Busy, which is good. Just trying to juggle it all but I’m glad to be doing something. I sort of felt useless before when I wasn’t working.” I clamped the phone between my ear and shoulder so I could begin sorting the laundry away.

            “Sofia, you’re never useless. I want you to do what makes you feel best. So if you feel good about work and classes, then I’ll support you every step of the way. But don’t think you’re useless.”

            “You don’t make me feel useless.” I murmured. “You act like I’m the center of the universe.” I teased.

            “Because you _are.”_ He insisted lovingly. “You’re the center of my universe and that hasn’t changed since the day I met you.”

            I stopped in the closet with a smile on my face. I touched one of his shirts and my heart ached for him. “I can’t wait for you to come home,” I said wistfully.

            “I know, babe, but I’ll be home before you know it. I have an early morning though, so I have to let you go now. You have a lecture at four tomorrow right?”

            “Yeah, I’m working in the morning.”

            “So if I call you at seven, it’ll be noon there…” He thought through the time difference out loud. “Noon work?”

            “Yeah, that works.”

            “Okay, I love you. I’ll text you when I get up.”

            “Love you too.”

           

            But the morning text wouldn’t come. Instead, I was woken up at one in the morning from a call. My sister’s name was on the screen and I knew it was urgent. She was aware of our own time difference and was mindful of the hour she called.

            Disoriented, I sat up in bed and turned on the speakerphone. “Hello?”

            “Sof, are you up?” My sister’s voice was tense and alarmed me.

            “Well, I am now. What’s wrong?”

            “Sebastian was in an accident.”

            “What?” I bolted up in a panic and threw the sheets aside. “What accident? Is he okay?”

            “His agent got in contact with mine because she couldn’t track down your number. She thinks it was a car crash but she’s trying to get more information from the film crew.”

            “Oh my God.” My hand flew to my mouth and worst-case scenarios caused an instant panic attack. I sunk to my knees and hyperventilated into my thighs.

            “Sof, Sofia, please just breathe with me, okay?”

            “I need to get over there!” I exclaimed breathlessly. Frantic tears stained my cheeks and I felt so hopeless. He was on another continent, what if something really bad happened and I couldn’t be there for him?

            “You have to get yourself calm first.” Erica did her best on dealing with my panic but Sebastian was much better at settling me.

            “Erica, please. What if he’s dying?” I cried hysterically.

            “Okay, let me just…” She sounded unnerved, probably because she couldn’t assure me that he _wasn’t_ dying. There was a lack of information because of the disconnected trail of communication. “I will see what’s available for flights. I’m going to have to hang up though. Can you try to go through some breathing until I call you back?”

            “Y-yes, yes, I will.”

            When she hung up, I tried to calm my trembling body and close my eyes. It was nearly impossible to focus on my breathing because I was too scared. I ended up crumbled on the floor, shaking and begging God to keep my Sebastian alive.

 

            Erica came through and pulled out some big connections to get me on a flight as soon as possible.

            No news came through and I was forced to keep my composure through the airport and on the long flight to Germany.

            Then I waited in Frankfurt, on my layover, desperately trying to get news from Sebastian’s agent. Before boarding, my second flight to Greece, a text came through. She told me that last she’d heard he was still in surgery. She also explained that a member of the film crew would meet me at the airport to escort me to the hospital.

            It was another three hours or so to Athens and the wait was excruciating. I was terrified to get off the airplane, turn on my phone, and read a text telling me my fiancee had died. When we landed, there wasn’t such a text. But there was another from his agent telling me the name of the man waiting for me, a bodyguard that worked for some of the cast.

 

            “Sofia?” A tall man with a distinct Yankees ball cap waved me over.

            “Yes, Isaac.” I hurried over to him. “Is he okay?” I could delay the polite introductions.

            “He’s out of surgery.” He nodded and offered to take my hastily packed duffle. “He should be awake now. I’m sure there’ll be a doctor there to explain the injuries, I’m not entirely sure what happened yet.” He led me outside where a car was waiting for us.

            The ride to the hospital was a little more bearable because I knew Sebastian was at least alive. But I didn’t waste time getting into the hospital and to the room, they directed me to.

            “Sofia?” He looked shocked to see me in the doorway, probably still under the impression that I was still in Manhattan.

            I burst into tears when I saw the state he was in. Several rows of stitches covered over his eyebrow, down his and his left arm. His right arm was in a sling as well.

            “Sebastian.” I rushed to his side and tried to hug him without causing further injury or messing with the IV tubes. “I was so worried. Erica called me and I just assumed the worst. I’m so glad you’re okay. I was terrified I’d lost you.” I rambled incoherently through my tears.

            “Sh, _draga mea,_ I’m okay.” He soothed and held me close with his good arm.

            “What happened?” I hiccupped.

            “We were driving to set and got in a bad crash. I didn’t really see what happened I just felt it…we flipped I guess. I don’t really remember anything after the initial impact. Got a little banged up though.” He kissed my hair. The reunion was a little different than we’d expected.

            “Like what? Will you be okay? They said you were in surgery for a long time.” I drew back and tenderly touched his face. His skin was mostly cleaned up of the blood but his stitches were fresh and it made me sick to my stomach to realize how deep the gashes must’ve been.

            “They said my lung was punctured.” He admitted. “But they said everything went well in surgery so it shouldn’t be a problem. My shoulder dislocated but it’s fine now and the rest of it was just glass.” He shrugged.

            I looked at him. It was as if he were talking about a trip on the sidewalk. “Sebastian, I could’ve lost you.” I couldn’t hold back. There were so many emotions I’d kept pent up while traveling for hours.

            “It’s okay, love, it was scary but I’m okay. I’m much better now that you’re here.” He sighed quietly.

            “Are you in pain?”

            “Nah, just drugged up.” He answered and closed his eyes. “      

            I sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his hair back. “Get some rest. I’ll be here.” After all the times Sebastian had taken care of me I knew it was my turn to step up. It wouldn’t be easy seeing him in pain but I loved him too much not to carry him every step of the way. Metaphorically, of course, I doubted I could carry him.

            “Yeah? Even though I probably look like Frankenstein’s monster because of the stitches?” He mumbled playfully.

            “You still look handsome, don’t worry.” I kissed his forehead. “You’ll always be gorgeous to me.”

            “Hope they don’t scar too much.” He continued rambling on in a quiet, slurred grumble. “More time in the makeup chair. Fucking pain the in ass…” He exhaled and his words faded away before he conked out from the painkillers.

            I stayed sitting beside him while he slept. I briefly sent a message to Erica and his agent, telling them everything that I knew. It was a relief to say he would be perfectly fine in the few weeks to come.


	21. Chapter 21

            When Sebastian was cleared, we flew home together. It took a while because the doctor’s said he couldn’t fly with his lung. The change in pressure could possibly damage it further. But finally, he was released and could go home. The movie had to delay filming anyways so it was okay for him to go home and heal. I was grateful to go home with him. I felt like he’d be safer in Manhattan again.

            But he was still in a state of pain. He decided not to rely on the painkillers, wanting to get through the pain even though I thought that was stupid. But he was being manly. Plus he was frustrated that he wasn’t healing fast enough.

 

            “Sebby?” I walked into the apartment and found my boyfriend resting on the couch. He had his hands on his chest and was slowly going through the breathing exercises the doctor suggested.

            His eyes opened and he smiled weakly. “Hey, babe.”

            “How are you feeling?” I leaned over the couch and kissed his forehead. “Still in pain?”

            “Not so bad anymore.” He answered and tried to sit up.

            “Careful, sweetheart.” I rounded the couch and put a hand behind his shoulders to help him.

            “I’m alright.” He assured me and sank back against the pillows propping him up.

            I bit my lip and ran my fingers down his cheek. “Do you need anything?”

            “Just you.” He smiled lovingly and tugged me closer. “I’ve missed you.”

            I knelt down and carefully rested my head on his shoulder. I’d never felt like he was this fragile. In fact, he’d always been this hunk of marble compared to me. He could pick me up and carry me for days if he wanted. He could take the stunts on set and made sure he was in prime condition in the gym. But after the accident, I realized even he was able to be hurt. It scared me.

            He brushed his fingers through my hair. “I’ll be back to normal in no time.” He assured me. “Just a few more days.”

            “You can’t push it, Sebs. You’ll just reinjure yourself. The doctor said you need to take it as slow as you can.” I propped my chin up to look at him.

            “I know but I’m so bored.” He grumbled.

            “I know.” I kissed his jaw. “You’ve lost weight,” I said as I absentmindedly traced my fingers over his cheeks. They’d become a bit more sullen, his cheekbones more prominent.

            “Just from sitting in the hospital.” He muttered.

            I sighed softly and rubbed my knuckles over his perfectly framed jawline.

            He smiled when he caught sight of my engagement ring. He reached for my hand and gently pressed kisses to my palm. “I miss being with you the most.” He whispered.

            He had to take it easy so all bedroom activities were restricted as well. It drew out the weeks of being apart even longer than expected. I didn’t mind so much. I was mostly focused on his recovery, not my own needs.

            “Soon,” I promised softly.

            His eyes were swimming with want. But he was well aware that I wasn’t about to go against the doctor’s orders. “Soon.” He agreed.

            “Did you eat? What can I make you?” I stood up and withdrew my hand from his.

            “I’m alright.” He took a deep breath, wincing at the pain in his chest.

            “Are you sure?” My brow creased in concern.

            He nodded and lifted his t-shirt to inspect his stitches. Most of them had been removed, the ones on his face except for one above his eyebrow. The worst was from the emergency surgery for the lung puncture. It was healing well but it remained a reminder of the terrifying moments.

            “You should cover that.” I murmured quietly, averting my eyes from the stitches. “Want me to get a bandage?”

            “Sure.”

            I got a few things from the bathroom, already well acquainted with tending to his injuries. I knelt down beside the couch again. I gently made sure the area around the stitches was clean with a soft cloth. I paid attention to his breathing to make sure I wasn’t hurting him. He would never tell me he was in pain. I dabbed on a bit of anti-bacterial cream and smoothed a clean bandage over the stitches. I lingered on his chest, inspecting the pink scars from where the doctor in Manhattan removed some of the stitches that were healed enough.

            “Sof…” He murmured quietly. “You okay?”

            I swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. I’m okay.” My voice was thick with worry. There was no telling what else could happen. My anxiety ate up the concern, thrilled to have a substantial reason to freak out. What if he got in another car accident? What if he got hurt on set? What if someone attacked him?

            Sebastian seemed to notice the panic in my eyes. “Sh, baby, everything will be fine.”

            A hiccup bubbled in my chest as he pulled me close to him. I couldn’t control the world. I couldn’t stop him from getting hurt. I’d seen one of my worst fears; him laid up in the hospital with life-threatening injuries. And although he was now with me in Manhattan again, totally fine on the road to recovery, I was still petrified. The uncertainty of the world had always terrified me. But when I was reminded of such instances it sent me further into my anxiety. When Sebastian, the love of my life, was at the mercy of the world, I just wanted to stop time and keep him in my arms. But I couldn’t keep him safe even if I tried every single second of the day.

            “Sofia, _draga mea_ , talk to me.” He murmured, his lips brushing up my forehead.

            “Just don’t…don’t go anywhere.” I begged.

            “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be right here for you. Nothing could take me away from you.”


End file.
